Friday, May 28, 2010

Chicago Bureau Chief Rogers Park PW reported in with this photo of Buckingham Fountain. I'm guessing PW was on his way to Wrigley Field where starting pitcher Randy Wells gave up 5 runs in the first inning without recording an out.

Where's Ward?

I left CRC before the Flanders roadies showed up. Foo foo coffee for everyone!

The Illinois National Guard is headed to the Gulf to help clean up this oil spill. Hopefully, chain smoking Marlboro Lights and spewing foul language will do the trick.

WGN has a cooking segment every day on the noon news. The anchor gal always asks the cook the most awkward shit.

You think you're tough? Let's see you live through 10 weeks of Dancing With The Stars, skippy.

Let me get this straight. Rogers Park PW wants a fixed gear bike, too? You fuckers will shoot your eye out.

Oh I would've enjoyed talking with the Flanders boys about lawn fertilizer and the time they outsprinted some recumbent slapdick on the Greenway.

That's enough of this. You're already in line at the liquor store.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mrs controls the illegal trafficking of stale hot dog buns in the Midwest.

We're not going anywhere for Memorial Day. Stop asking.

Rasta, you know that riding fixed means you don't get to coast?

Call in sick tomorrow. You deserve an extra day off.

I can't go back to a place (Las Vegas) where I was used to having a drink in my hand 23 hours a day.

If it's Thursday it must mean there's day baseball games.

People who practically eloped (we gave our families 24 hours notice) find it hard to get excited about going to weddings.

My vacation starts in 4 hours.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I'm geeked for this one

In all my dreams I'm 15 years old and Ellen Page is my girlfriend. Then there's the ones that Rosenberg is trying to get me to eat asparagus.

Mrs called in sick yesterday and we slept in till 9 after the furry children had their needs met at 5 am. We watched Boondock Saints and it seemed better than the first time we watched it. We may have watched it in a booze haze that time.

I rode out to Hopkins after escort and even roasted some Greenway commuters on the way back. Yep, you got your buns toasted by a fat guy on his orange bike with the license plate.

Stanley Cup Finals start on Saturday and my hometown team the Chicago Blackhawks are in it. Me and my homie Super Rookie are pretty damn excited about it. I need to email my cousin Sonny to crank him up.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Why are teenagers such sullen little bastards? I'm not responsible. Is it just Minnesota teenagers? Don't answer that. It was rhetorical.

The puppy eats like a pig. We have some special food coming from Chuck and Dons where the chunks are the size of golf balls. Don't ask how much it costs.

Air conditioning went on today. It will go off in November.

The puppy comes to bed at 4 am most days and starts play biting her momma. The puppy will not get kicked out. The puppy is a made guy.

If I had to do it all over again I would have been a car thief.

Let's Go Hawks!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Fridays - Late Edition

My afternoon nap was longer than expected. Now I have to plan where to take Mrs for dinner. Nobody told me how difficult this retirement was going to be.

Try not include any of the new header photo in your dreams.

I walked one circle (full circle, sporty) of one level at the Mall Of America and then took the stairs to the top of the parking garage twice. I noticed on the walking part that I was the youngest person walking by a good 10 years.

So these pro cyclists aren't all dopers? Hey, I just want to fit in some of the clothes I've eaten my way out of.

My favorite firefighter saw me and the puppies on the street and walked the rest of the way home from 42nd and Cedar with us. I showed her the house and Sassy mouthed her ankle and foot before she left. Don't take off your shoes at our house.

Have a good weekend or I'll have a dog bite you on the ankle.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Like that guy running for governor I hearken back to a Minnesota where everyone was white. Don't be alarmed, we're negroes.

My next career could be picking up aluminum cans. Since there are a number of "can men" in the city I may need Bolstad's special set of skills that your tax dollars taught him.

It's cute when roadies call each other fat.

My attitude when I was employed was to get the day over with as fast as possible with a minimum of drama and some humor. Can you say that about yourself.

Survey says that men around 50 years old tend to chill out and women have a bug up their ass right up to the time the casket lid is closed.

Carla, I miss seeing "SOME" of the people at Black Dog and especially you, Julia and Benita but I don't miss torturing myself on that f-ed up road. And I miss Paul Schoening who's just lovable.

Get better wishes go out to my pal Skibby who knows it's just a bike. xoxo for you Skibs.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Even at this price I'd wear it to ride my bike.

Happy Birthday to Brian and The Snowy Bear

Rasta, I'm not messing around. I'm rolling out the top shelf material. This guy is a nice warm-up. Oh, he's black and he's proud.
Drink it in boys. That's a little too much Polish girl for y'all. But by herself she may blend in. It's the guy in the red pants that sets the whole equation off.
And the crowning jewel...straight outta Warsaw...down Shaft. When I make my triumphant return to Maxwell Street I will be in a fur coat which will make your father a happy man.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Hey Mister, where'd you get that sandwich?

Do you know why I keep this thing going? Because I have a huge following in South Dakota.

Got into it with senior citizen this morning because I was making fun of Sarah Palin. Drill Baby Drill!Drill Baby DrillDrill Baby DrillDrill Baby DrillDrill Baby DrillDrill Baby DrillDrill Baby Drill! If you're so GD appalled by this oil spill then use your car less. Not you bike idiots! You're doing a helluva job.

I showed someone my bib shorts I had on under my basketball shorts and they told me they didn't need to see that. Correct me if I'm wrong but I see quite a few women with larger posteriors in spandex that isn't covered by basketball shorts.

Sassy is progressing nicely and is settling into our family life. I don't know if she is extending Snowy Bear's life of shortening it. No, she's keeping Snowy Bear fresh.

Yeah, it's Monday. I've been there. You see what they make you give.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Cubs vs Astros - Wrigley Field - 1968

I'm betting my brother John took me to the game.


I like the prices of stuff.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

"I want to be a teacher"
"I want to be an astronaut"
"I want to be an altar boy, maybe not"
"I want to be an accountant, somebody shoot me"
" I want to be a stripper"
"I want to be an alcoholic (that was me)"
"Why did I have to wear this gay ass bow tie?"
February 1972. Ma flew to Missouri to look at the Woodland Shores house. Dutch (left) puked in CW's car 20 times. Misty (right) was a doll.

Monday, May 10, 2010

You call that a codpiece!

Here's Kevin the owner of Freewheel Bikes modelling their new clown suits. Don't stare girls. It's not polite.
I'd have more respect for you roadies if you wore a codpiece with your clown suits. This guy has it goin' on.
But this boy knows he's big pimpin'. You the man, homes.

To the Johnny Boy with love

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Hey sweetheart, how about thinking about spending 20 bucks on the 2011 Posing for Pink calendar or 5 bones on the 2010 edition. I know that tall good lookin' young lady on the far left in case your interested.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I hope at one time or another you've shown my blog to someone who then remarked -'what an asshole'. You live a major portion of your life trying to please other people and then one day you just say Fuck It.

If you need gas, incense, a throwing star or a belt buckle that says PIMP then stop at the gas station at 48th and Cedar. Many reasonable Mothers Day gifts can be found here.

I stopped by Ma's grave yesterday and while I was talking to her I told her that the digging of her grave probably killed a nearby tree.

KARE 11 anchorman Mike Pomergantz and the 3rd string sports guy did a real dis on the Baltimore Orioles yesterday. Yep, the Twins could have the batboy pitch, huh fellas? Final score: Baltimore 2 Minnesota 0.

Tuffy, stirrup socks are on their way from Robert Marshall. Next time I'll confer with you before I order.

I'd like to take a photograph of every bike that passes my house going east on 42nd Street for like an 8 hour period. Well, at least a 30 minute period.

Go away. Leave me alone. I never liked you.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I've noticed that teenagers almost seem pissed when they see an adult having a really good time. Yeah, I have too much fun quite a bit of the time so these sullen little joyless pricks are glaring at me a lot. Aah but these children find out it's an adult world when they enter the workplace and find out they're low man on the totem pole and nobody gives a shit about their glares, eye rolls and whatevers. The part about the adult job world came from a mother who wrote in to the Op-Ed section about how she was going to laugh when her children discover the reality of the job market.
I may go to this Greenway event. Sven, are you coming? Are you really fast? Faster than a couple of 50 year olds cruising home at rush hour?

Sven, if I come to bike polo I guarantee everyone besides me will be leaving with a knot on their head. Is it a no-checking league? Can I hit Bike Jerks Jeff so hard he'll be f-ing dizzy for a week?
The back of the photo says April 3, 1978. Ma in the background and Dutch hovering nearby. I'd say something about how fast it goes but then I'd spoil all the fun for you.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

F-ing roadies!

Are you introducing yourself to Aaron at Opus because I'm hearing that you aren't. Let's do better. You can do it.

Roadie introduction #2 : Hi, my name is Pete Hannah and I'm a metrosexual.
We're relieved that Sassy has for the time being moved from chewing on the couch to the kitchen floor. Did I hear you say she needs more bones and other chew toys? Listen Sparky, this house is a f-ing minefield of bones, hooves, tennis balls and last but not least the 16 dollar Nylabone that she could give two shits about.

We just ducked Jehovah at the front door. Sassy wagged her tail feverishly from the front window. I hope any robbers bring a dog with them because she goes ape shit when she sees another dog. There's a 40 mph wind out there and these women were carrying a small kid. Woof.

Scott Flanders recognized me on my ride back from the hospital and now I'm piss my pants happy. Hey, without roadies, hipsters and joyless-fair-weather-commuters who would I have to make fun of.

That's enough of this. I hear a dog in the next room destroying a throw rug...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

I never said anything bad about you Frenchies. Why would you call me 'unbearable' on your little bike forum? Please come to the US and bring lots of money. And buy a Banjo Brothers bag. All The Way Ray loves you.
Should we really be that shocked about this oil spill? We've become so dependent on the automobile that we have to drill in every conceivable spot we can. White flight to the suburbs that started the late 70's was predicated on the ability to commute to jobs in the city in a reasonable time and relatively cheaply.

One car families have become 4 car families and the resulting congestion and rising fuel costs seem to baffle us for some reason. Why?

We're not going to come out of this problem easily. We treat the Earth's natural resources as consumables to make profit from in the case of the oil companies. We can make a comeback, but now it's going to take a real effort.

Don't blame my generation completely on this problem. I took the bus and rode my bike to my little league games.