Friday, October 29, 2010

So the guy that got killed by a delivery van had stolen the bike he got killed on just a couple of hours earlier? Karma chased his ass down.

The Assassin may have to be in her kennel during Trick-or-Treating. She does not like people walking up to her front door and she dislikes any dog she can see out her window. And really, really hates the sight of our mailman.

It was 30ish when I rode with Miss Debbie to the hospital this morning. I was pretty warm because I was overdressed.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I went through one of the bags I brought home when they laid me off a year and seven months ago. Don't rush me.

That was a windy dog last night huh, Nitro? I've seen a lot of stuff blown around but some guy's roof vent turbine is in the alley.

I stopped for dog food and treats at Chuck and Don's by Lake Calhoun and then bought a loaf of bread at the renowned Rustica Bakery. Imagine me in that lot without my Mercedes. What was I thinking?

If the American League had won the All Star Game and your Twinkies could get a timely hit the World Series would start at Target Field tonight.

Did I ruffle some feathers? Sassy The Assassin is sharpening her teeth.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What's that? A dirt spot? I'm firing the gardener.

On a more hilarious note my knee hurts like a MF (melon farmer) today. But only when I walk so I'm using Ma's old wheelchair. The walls are taking a hit.

When it comes to cycling I'm a hipster and a roadie (I've got a plastic bike, bitch) and a former commuter and I ride on the sidewalks some times like my Mexican brothers.

It's probably some guy who appears in my stats from the College of Saint Catherine's.
So there were no girls at this wedding looking for Mr Right Now?

Tyler, me love you long time...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh sure, when I suggest someone who gets lost in a parking ramp is a doorknob I'm the asshole in the place but anyone else can get away with it.

Ok Vikings fans, it's time to panic.

I'm listed as doubtful for any yard work today.

Black dog let her daddy sleep through the night. Would have been perfect had the feds not been chasing me because of a robbery of some sort. You try fleeing the scene in a semi.

Someone was going to say Hi to me and Mrs on the Greenway last week and then he 'remembered he was a roadie'. (Mrs)

You didn't tell me it was the hot chick on Versus who plays up her cleavage 24/7 that Favre was sending photos of his tractor to!

Mrs can not control me when it comes to buying Halloween candy at Target.

I am but a tiny tiny speck on the time line of this planet.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Fridays - No Huddle Edition

Shut the fuck up! Nobody talks in my huddle except me! I'm not one to cajole you to do shit just because of the weather but today will be in the 60's and this time next week the high temperature will be 19 with wind gust that will bring Burger King wrappers in from Denver.

You'll need to leave work early. You'll need to come back from the bathroom and tell your boss you just vomited and had to stuff your lung back down your throat.

Some of you are home already because of some kind of school conferences. I think it's called MEA and no I don't give a shit what that stands for. If you have small children then you have to entertain them. Tough shit for you, sporty. If you have teenagers off from school then you're home free. It's not your job to entertain them.

We're here to preserve democracy, not to practice it. Scanny and I are available to counsel your teenagers and otherwise scare the B-Jesus out of them.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It really has been some good weather for riding a bike. Warm sunny days and no rain. Just what the doctor ordered.

We've got a new bike boulevard coming on 40th Street. The route has a few too many hills for my knees. Trust me, I know all the ways through my neighborhood that avoid hills.

With the morning escort/coffee stop/bike riding and 3:30 pm escort I only have about 4 hours a day to kill at home.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

No sporty, they don't make shoes like they used to. That's what I get for taking a nap. These were my slip-ons for a quick dog walk out front that gave their life for the cause.

I followed up the 37 minutes on Monday with a beefy hour of yard work yesterday. Thanks for your support.

Sleeping has made me hungry so it is now time to storm the kitchen!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Ok, that was a solid 37 minutes of yard work. I have an electric leaf blower and I need another 5000 feet of cord. I want to plug it in at my house and blow leaves on Lake Street. I don't want a gasoline blower smart guy. Who suggested that? I'm puttin' Sassy The Assassin on your ass and you'll be sleeping with one eye open.

Night came over the city suddenly. Look, I'm a f-ing novelist.

No, I'm pretty sure he's insane.

I'm pretty sure that woman I pissed off when I wouldn't move onto the sidewalk so she could make a right turn will be telling people about it at Thanksgiving. Wound a little tight for Vietnam. Probably wound a little tight for Minneapolis.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Monitoring 7 or so NFL games on Sunday Ticket and the networks. It's almost time for coffee and a piece of chocolate. As mother once said - 'it's not candy, its chocolate'.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

We had a nice lunch for our anniversary at Crave and rode the Dragger today to catch the dwindling fall color. And just about an hour ago I was able to relocate my knee cap back into the proper place. Aww hell sugar, I had a dog who had a brain tumor and never let out so much as a whimper.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Debbie and I have been married 30 years today and I've still got that suit hanging in the basement. We were married at the Dupage County Courthouse at the same time as 2 other couples. Between the marriage license, wedding cake, flowers and 2 buckets of the chicken our wedding cost us about 100 bucks.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

By now the miners are back at work down in the mine. Shirley, you can't be serious.

The new security blankets are cell phones.

Scanny and I threw a baseball around in the alley. We used the ball I caught on a rainy night when the Twins were playing Texas at the Dome. Kirby Puckett hit a foul ball down the right field line and I got after some guy was nice enough to take the sting out of the ball.

My perfect cross course would have no run-ups and very short barriers to jump over and go across the stage of a topless joint and finish by having through a narrow hallway where drill sergeants are hitting the racers with foam rubber thingys.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The miners are coming up from the mine which is good because they had asked for a revolver for Russian Roulette.

BC, our little boy Agent Smith is going to get a tattoo and I can already hear him crying like a little bitch. I once saw a tattoo of a teddy bear blowing his brains out with a shotgun. Very disturbing shit...

Rode my little bike 21 miles this morning. I'm at 3800 for the year with a total goal of 5000 although I'm not going to bust my ass to get it.

Mrs says she never understands why a professional athlete gets married.

Can you hear that? Can't you hear the silence? The black dog is taking a 15 minute nap before she returns to causing chaos.

Brett Favre, he no look so good when he talks to reporters these days.
Chicago Bureau Chief PW submitted these photos. This is Trump Tower where I'm sure a Coke at the bar is only like 7 dollars.
The name change as submitted for the Parade Bike has been considered and rejected. Come on, it's Comiskey Park. If you look closely at Soldier Field you see where the old meets the new which is complete bullshit.

Don't worry kids, the picture of the tree is coming.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

No seriously, is a Mini Cooper what a woman gets when they're headlong into their midlife crisis? I had my midlife crisis when I was 20 and figured out I wouldn't be pitching for the Cubs.

I'm here for you Vikings fans. Come down from that ledge, skippy. The NFC sucks right now including the Super Bowl champs. Eventually, the Vikings will be playing those weak NFC North teams and everything will be ok.

How come those Republicans keep spewing shit that the Stimulus Package failed? I bet those auto workers who kept their jobs would tend to disagree.

I've got a load of towels to wash, lovechunks. Behave yourself.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Oh yeah, your father and I met by trading photos of our genitals on our douchephones...

It was warm in the house so I turned the ac back on and I don't feel bad about it.

I feel your pain, sporty. A couple of years ago the Cubs had the best record in baseball and were dispatched in 3 by the Dodgers. But, when team that finishes 17 games under .500 draws 3 million fans there's really no reason to break the bank with free agents.

I have not had a lot of luck with i-pods so I can't see spending too much to buy one.

Waiting for Scanny. I pumped the football up. Let's see what kind of hands the boy has. I bet you can see me throwing a pass to my neighbors as they get off the bus on 42nd Street. Life is short. Go long.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

A kid from down the block came by in his Boy Scout uniform selling wreaths and other assorted greenery for the holiday season. I asked who his parents were and we know them. His mother was our block captain for a couple of years. Yeah I know, I should probably hold that position. But the kid came by himself and gave his sales pitch. I bought a lot of that crap (pizza, nuts, candy, canned tuna, dryer sheets) when my co-workers brought the catalog to work (I had a job once, douchy) but I liked that this kid was pounding the pavement by himself.

What's the moral of this? Send your kids out to sell their crap and stop bringing that catalog to work to shame your co-workers.

I bought a rather nice centerpiece and may track the kid down to buy a wreath too.

Friday, October 8, 2010


Are you as excited about the tree turning as I am ?

Do you like the new header photo? Would you shake the guy's hand at a party?

I hope the nuns are rolling over in their graves about the way I turned out.

At this time I would like all Vikings fan to get a bag to hyperventilate in to. I like Randy Moss. He's a knucklehead. Got your bags ready? Tom Brady is a better quarterback right now than Brett Favre is. He has been for quite a while. Those championships are hard to argue with. I hope Moss is so happy to be back in the land of milk and honey that he puts out in order to get a contract extension.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Hockey game on in the background while waiting for baseball game to start at 1:30. You know it pal. I don't think they should play 162 baseball games and then have a best of 5 series to start the playoffs.

Randy Moss had to really piss them off in Boston for them to trade him after 4 games. I'm happiest for all those Vikings fans who held onto their $250 Moss jerseys because they can pull them out again. I have a Moss jersey that I bought cheap after he was traded to Oakland.

East Lansing appears in the stats. East Lansing should be at a cheap motel putting up the big numbers. Congrats from the Wroblewski's.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I just found out that Agent Hotchner from Criminal Minds was the guy from Dharma and Greg. That's some repugnant shit. I hope he made a lot of money playing that stroke.
I'm taking a photo of my Sugar Maple every day at 11 am until the leaves have turned and then fallen off.
Come on Twinkie fans, even a blind squirrel gets a nut every now and then. You fall into 2 camps. Those of you who drank the Kool Aid (Stick and Ball Guy) who think the Twins are the '27 Yankees and the chickenshits who are so sure you can't beat the big bad Bronx Bombers.

I had the hot dogs yesterday.

Yeah, I read your tweets and I'm absolutely floored by your wit.

You people all have douchephones. More photos on Facebook and less pontificating about how you had to go to work today or how you're unsure of how fucked up your relationship is.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

We've never had a dog around here that put punctures in Kong. Until now.
I remember a "gentleman" on the Lake Street el platform asking me if he could borrow a quarter when I was a kid.

The puppy was sick Sunday night and it's wasn't pretty. At least as far as the carpeting was concerned.

Your Twinkies just need to beat New York 3 times which is easier than trying to beat them 4 times. It's an exponential equation.

Turkey sandwich or hot dogs for lunch?

I see people busting their ass to get to work and I just smile on my little bike. Your stress is very soothing to me.

Mrs fell asleep during the movie The Losers last night. Not enough action in it for her.

Friday, October 1, 2010

In honor of Rahm's campaign to be Chicago mayor could we all use the word fuck in a sentence.

While still in my cycling clothes I did 12 minutes (that's a solid 12, sizzlechest) of yard work this morning.

New wheel on Salsa is really nice and it was built with love by one of the nice kids at QBP. That's Quality Bicycle Products to all you normal people. In honor of the QBP kids lets all be more Green today.

Do we really want less government intervention? Hell, most of the populous needs lines on a bike trail.