Monday, February 28, 2011

We're about 9 days away from the start of the Big East, Big 12, Big 10 and other conference tournaments. Pretty darned exciting I say.

Enough already about the Oscar hosts. I had to look up James Franco to find out who the hell he was and Ann Hathaway is destined to be in romantic comedies (chick flicks) the rest of her life. You can bag on these people when and if they do any serious acting.

Breakfast at Maria's with The Plumber was good even though I didn't instruct the waitress to not have the cook murder the yoke so I got hash browns and a super ball. We shall now branch out to the Midtown Global Market.

Friday, February 25, 2011


Happy Birthday East Lansing! I turned 24 the day we moved to Minneapolis almost 29 years ago. Everything we owned in the world fit in a small moving van.

Not a very big weekend planned unless you consider running errands big news.

At this point of the winter I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and am not too concerned about a couple of cold days. I really want to ride my bike more this year. It's not the cold, it's the icy conditions that are limiting my current lack of riding.

I can vacuum and do a load of laundry and look like a superstar.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A vigil has started for the Fed-Ex truck. A jersey off E-bay was bargain priced. Didn't Fed-Ex maroon Tom Hanks on that tropical island? The Assassin will let me know when the driver walks up the sidewalk.

Norton, were you in on that fire at 26th and Cedar? Way to make room for a Starbucks.

Meshugge, Rahm is the first Jewish mayor in Chicago history. I've got a call in to Marion the florist to get those potholes on Diversey filled.

What's the over/under on Moammar living through the end of the month? Yep, he's a brutal MF but boy does he have some great fashion sense. And let's hear it for the Wisconsin governor and his astute recognition of voices. Has K-Tel released a boxed set of the Blagojevich FBI wire taps?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Less thinking...more writing

It seems like all the white guys in my neighborhood...

Leftovers till hell won't have it makes for a smiley MF.

Not tired of shoveling snow. Tired of extra shoveling like path to bird feeder, end of alley and neighbor across alleys driveway.

Yes, The King's Speech could be considered artsy smartsy when compared to the A-Team. Here's some that aren't artsy smartsy:
1) The Local - guy rescues drugged out girl while getting his ass kicked throughout most of the film and sleeping in a boiler room and on a train platform.

2) The Bad Lieutenant - Look away when Harvey Keitel is parading around naked or you'll be scarred for life. You'll need a shower after this one.

3) Belly - Nas and DMX (black rappers, white boy) play drug dealers who hardly ever use the N word. This one's actually pretty good.

4) Bad Lieutenant - Port of New Orleans - Nicholas Cage takes over where Harvey Keitel left off. Not endorsed by the New Orlean's Chamber of Commerce.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

No, she needs no invitation. Maybe I'll be on the couch for the Big East Tournament.

Mrs off sick today. More shoveling. Blah blah blah.

Making Wisconsin state employees pay more of their health insurance is the way it's going to be in the future. Forcing them to give up their union representation? Why Uncle Ronnie is smiling warmly in his tomb.

Monday, February 21, 2011

I hope you stayed home today or didn't have to work in the first place. Mrs and I spent a good hour and a half shoveling the alley garage area. The City plowed the alley overnight so it's passable. I also cleared some snow off the roof where we have our only real ice dam. I have a push broom taped to a rake and I can reach all kinds of shit on the roof.

Mrs and I took public transportation to the Block E theater yesterday to see The King's Speech which was very very good.

The new recliner is bonkers and I'm piss-my-pants-excited for the college basketball tournaments. I'll get a photo up as soon as I eat for the 7th time today.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Fridays - Late Edition

In honor of the designer hot chocolate that was featured in yesterday's paper I'll soon be having a cup of Swiss Miss. Yep, I'm a cheapskate and coffee and a pastry for a mere 5 dollars at a coffee shop are a bargain.

By this time on a Friday you're sharpening pencils and updating your Facebook status. Have a great weekend but don't blink baby.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Let's hear it for Mrs who has a 4 day weekend starting at 3:15 today. I'm pretty far removed from the everyday grind of gainful employment but I remember how piss-your-pants-happy one gets as their long weekend approaches. In order to stay somewhat connected to the workforce I have The Assassin send me a letter of reprimand once a month. As my stepfather would say: I miss the City Of Richfield like double hernia.

A bowl of soup and a nap were just what the doctor ordered to ease the pain in my knee. I think I'm changing knee doctors. Last time I saw my current doctor he asked what the big scar across my knee was from. Hey, read the chart, jigglestick. Mrs is investigating a doctor at Fairview Riverside for me. Synvisc One for everybody on my tab!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The daddy of all recliners will be delivered on Saturday. Let's just say that when I wear this thing out I'll be using a chain saw to make it easier to get to the alley on garbage day.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I contacted a jersey lettering company about a jersey the Oakland A's will be wearing this year. I can buy the thing on the Oakland A's web page and then ship it to the lettering guys. I have a 20% off coupon good at MLB until the end of the month. I just wanted to streamline the process as much as possible as far as shipping charges go. Anyway, the guy at the lettering company e-mailed me this: I will see if it’s available yet. I wouldn’t be able to do the lettering until they wear the jerseys on field. Majestic is always behind with new jersey production and font specification. I will need payment info to try. Once I contact my Majestic rep I will need to book the order or put it on back order if it’s available.

I guess I'm causing a burden by asking him to make a phone call. I emailed him back telling him I wasn't all that hot on open ended check/credit cards. I've seen where bike shops order some pretty expensive shit for their customers who decide they really don't want the item(s). Interesting.

Monday, February 14, 2011

It's Valentine's Day isn't it big sexy. Why a mere 31 years ago today I was swept up in the mood and proposed to Mrs.

Very icy on the bike trails due to our old buddy Mr Refreeze. I saw a guy eat shit near the big ramp right by Midtown Bike Center. I'm going to let it melt just a little more before I venture out on my bike.

I had breakfast with Uncle Larry at Maria's this morning. I asked the waitress to have my eggs cooked just enough to kill the Salmonella. Is it too much to ask the cook not to kill the fucking yoke? Over easy, basted, even sunny side up comes back like a golf ball most of the time. I'm through accepting sub par shit in the name of being polite.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Our neighbor's garage just kinda collapsed this afternoon.

Friday, February 11, 2011


I hate to talk about the fucking weather. Christ, tell me about your seventh grade science project or your sock drawer or anything else.

Now I had a neato keano photo of the assorted sundries machine at Children's Hospital. Why you can buy an ovulation test kit for a mere three dollars or a disposable camera for 10 bucks. I was going to use the photo to suggest Valentines Day gifts for you manly men but it seems that my pay as you go cell phone is out of minutes. I've got a jersey I want so piss on that cell phone.

Wait, this just in. Mubarak from Egypt is seeking asylum at the Lambeau Field gift shop.

I hate to give marital advice but if your Mrs subjects you to something you don't enjoy, then it's time to strike while the iron is hot. Use this opportunity to purchase that bike or golf clubs you've got your heart set on. What's that you say? It doesn't work that way at your house. Well then sporty, you can pick up a set of balls from the assorted sundries machine for a mere 12 dollars.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

There goes our NC17 rating.

I did some vacuuming today. Did you know that sometimes a dog sheds some of her hair? I'll save some for you and we'll make you a sweater.

Our boy Meshugge found this one. Good work son. I think my favorite story about dibs was of the guy who brought the hose out after some prick moved his furniture and stole his spot.

Ate a grapefruit and my was it yummy.

I told you that Guitar Hero was bullshit.

I think my Kogswell has a flip flop hub on the back wheel. These knees are no longer made for fixed gear bicycling.

Gotta go. I'm on the run from the Grammar Police.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Aah my boy, another day in paradise waiting for the snow to melt. Is it too early to start my seeds for tomato plants? Would it take a lot of work to make this a grow house? Can I ever truly be a Minnesotan if I stop for red lights? Am I the only male of my age group who found out who Fergie was on Sunday? Can I peel you an orange?

Obama has quit smoking for a year now. I'm sure a couple of heaters a week take more minutes off his life than the stress of being President.

Yesterday was the first day since last June that I didn't work on the end of the alley. I like to throw the little chunks of ice out into the street and watch the cars smash them down.

I talked to one of the cooks from one of the Global Market restaurants this morning. He said he flies to San Diego and then drives a car to where he's from in Mexico. 25 minutes at the border going into Mexico and 4 hours going into the United States. I feel safer already. We should have that drug problem under control by 5 today.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Oh, I'm sure you highbrow __________ers have never had a cup of coffee out of a machine.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Tosh.0-The Greatest Youtube Video of ALL Time - Tosh.0

I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks the Super Bowl is over-hyped and overdone. It's just a GD game. But, we can't go back to a day game with no shitty halftime show and epic commercials.

Last cold snap of the season and I really mean it this time.

I need to investigate how many Army Reserve people have been killed in these wars. We used to call these people 'Weekend Warriors' and they joined the Reserves to make a couple of bucks and drink a lot of coffee but I can't see where too many of them ever really thought they'd end up in a war. Hey, I'm probably wrong but it's a thought.

Friday, February 4, 2011

I'm running with the Chicago alley plowing bit until it's deader than (Hurl) a MF. By the way, that's me on the bike.

The City Of Chicago plans to give up alley plowing for Lent

Hey, we had a couple of hits yesterday from Chicago people wondering when their alley would be plowed. I'm thinking that's not going to happen soon. Can we get Marion the florist on the line to pull a few strings? God I love photos of City of Chicago garbage trucks.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I wish I could say those are The Assassin's footprints but they belong to someone in Rogers Park who's on their way to Dunkin Donuts. The City of Chicago will be plowing this alley very soon or at least beating it down somewhat on garbage day.

The Cavy never looked better. Leave it there till July.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

This just in from the Heights. It will take more than 70 mph winds to stop Bailey from going outside. As of yet we don't have a report from Rogers Park.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

If Johnny Dees says it's going to snow big then it's going to snow big. The "Forecast Graphic" in the left hand column is all you need.

I will be quarterbacking the City Of Chicago's snow removal efforts from my Minneapolis headquarters.

I rode my little bicycle 47 miles in January and I only crashed once.

New neighbors next door are from PWB (that's Prestigious West Bloomington, sugar). It always makes me happy when we pull one out of the suburbs into the city.

My birthday is April 2nd and I don't remember too many years since we've lived here that most of the snow hadn't melted by then. Spring is on the way even if the next 48 hours won't seem that way.