Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Mrs went to the Unique Thrift Store 50 percent off sale yesterday and I picked up a few items at Wal Mart while she engaged in hand to hand combat over a blouse.

I've mowed the lawn three times already this "summer". I mowed a total of three times one year and I must say I'm pretty proud of that. Don't mow your lawn just because I did. Start it on fire and count the minutes till the fire department shows up. Now there's some style.

Mrs had to return to work today after 10 days off and I couldn't come up with shit to bolster her psyche. It's not the work you do that gets you down. It's the f-ing rut of day after day after day of getting up at the same time and driving/cycling the same route seeing the same people in the same spots. Then to arrive at work and deal with the same drama from the same assholes yet another day. Wait, are you the f-ing jerk-off at work? Then disregard the previous paragraph because there's no hope for you.

Friday, May 27, 2011


Miss Debbie is back from Chicago and she brought the Sun Times and the Dunkin Donuts. Under the only in Chicago I discovered this in the Sun Times. In Minnesota they would distract the jury Linkwith some kind of fishing boat.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Even I keep my mouth shut when women start talking about their weight. A couple of the girls at Midtown who are new commuters mentioned they hadn't lost any weight yet and I ran away down the Greenway as fast as I could.

What's going to happen first? Will Mrs return home or will that Chase Utley jersey arrive?

Bulls are down 3 games to 1. I go back to the days of Jerry Sloan and Bob Love and everything in between so I never get down.

I mowed the lawn yesterday so theoretically I'm a homeowner.

Monday I took the Snowy Bear on a late afternoon walk and we stopped to talk to my neighbor. After a short conversation I started to walk away but then realized that Snowy Bear had secretly taken a shit in his driveway while we were talking. I couldn't have scripted that any better.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Mrs has been escorted to the airport and is now on a flight to see her little sister in the Chicago area. My United States Senator Amy Klobuchar said hello to me at the Starbucks in the baggage claim area so I'm set for the day.

We shall follow a strict hot dog and pastry diet in Mrs absence. Don't worry there's only a 7 in 10 chance I will end up on your doorstep ready to forage the contents of your refrigerator.

At approximately 10:30 am we will start the screening of No Country For Old Men on a 24 hour or so loop.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Pictured are the dog cookies I bought for the Snowy Bear's birthday. Yes, she is loved.

One drop of rain has excused me from mowing the lawn. That would've been twice in one week but since Scanny was laid off I've been cutting it myself with a push mower (how fucking green is that!?!).

Inter-league play starts today and I couldn't care less. Sure, if you live some place where they have two teams like Yankees and Mets I guess it's cool but what about Milwaukee and Minneapolis.

This house is only this quiet when the Assassin runs out of gas and takes a nap which isn't too often.

I love the team sites on Facebook for all the various pro sports teams. The critical thinks that goes into some of the comments just can't be matched except by some of the fellas doing a stretch at Folsum.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Here's the little fella, Red. I would think Kahn would try to remain in the shadows rather than hog the spotlight with any Jew-on-Jew humor. Stand down Sporty, I can use that term because I'm as Equal Opportunity as they get and I hate most white people.

The smell of Grecian Formula heralded the arrival of the Flanders Ride. I even saw that little shit Flanders later on the Cedar Lake Trail but didn't recognize him soon enough to run him into the bushes.

Lanny needs to set up a group lunch at Sea Salt because I've saved the necessary 12 dollars for a fish sandwich and 6 French fries. I've got a cold 40 of OE with your name on it, Lanny.

Should the power ever go out at your office it's probably nothing or it could be the Assassin because she sometimes likes to use that tactic.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Happy Birthday Snowy Bear

This is my favorite picture in the whole world of the Snowy Bear. She's 15 years old today. Time goes fast.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Just come out and say it. You're jealous about the nap. Truth be told, I've only taken about 5 naps in the 2 years I've been off.

I too am usually pissed off at Rosenberg and his absurd line of bullshit. FU and your instant gravy mix.

It will always be PC to hate on senior citizens, fat people, bicyclists and government workers.

You know why the yuppies line up out the door on Saturday and Sunday at Baker's Wife Pastry Shop? Because Gary the baker knows the value of using LARD. Listen sporty, my mother went through the whole lower sugar, no shortening or butter phase of baking when my step-father had heart problems and the pie crust was harder than a MF. LARD BABY LARD!

Monday, May 16, 2011

I think the watchdog had last night off. Thanks for the t-shirt. It's a collectable.

Mowing the lawn would really make me feel good about myself as a homeowner.

Long nap Saturday, 18 mile Dragger ride Sunday and we cleaned the house which kinda sums up the weekend.

Twinkies fans on suicide watch. When your boy Mauer gets all healthy the best thing to do is put him at 3rd base for the rest of his career and send that Valencia back to A ball.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I rode 20 miles so far today and am now in the process of talking myself out of mowing the lawn. I can't afford to have Scanny mow the lawn and have a two dollar cup of coffee every morning. If we had a fenced in yard (20 feet high) I could have the Assassin trample the grass down and paint the dirt green.

I rode a bicycle in the rain yesterday morning and every drop made me glad I no longer had to pick out spots for new trees to planted in Richfield.Link

Yes, cursive writing should always be taught. It may not be as important as updating your Facebook status but then again we can only have so many adults sign documents with an X. Where the fuck is that meteor?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Now that I know who the reader at St Kate's is, we may as well dump this MF. It's not a she, it's a he and he runs the whole college. Rosenberg ran the kitchen at St Olaf but then he ran away to join the circus.

Remember bike commuters, you're riding your bike and not concentrating on a final exam or texting on your douchephone.

I left home (I shoulda joined the circus) 35 years ago on Mother's Day. My mother was 53 years old at the time which is how old I am now. Don't worry, this information won't be on Jeopardy.

You bet your sweet ass Mrs and I will be going to the AARP's showing (anything before 11am) of Fast Five tomorrow morning. We may even go to the stewed prune buffet at Country Buffet before the movie.

Treat your mom nice on Sunday and rejoice if she's still a bit of a pain in the ass because some day she may be stealing shit from other old ladies' rooms at a nursing home.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I don't need to see photos of Bin Laden's dead body. But that's just me.

Derrick Rose, M-V-P!!!!!!!!!! That's NBA basketball for you coconuts who are so excited that Liriano finally finished a game.

Knee hurts, knee hurts, knee hurts, f-ing Kogswell, knee hurts, knee hurts...

Meet me at 38th and Hiawatha at 5pm so we can ride up and down the sidewalk while motorists wait for the stop and go light which has been on flash for 5 days.

What do you say to living in Minneapolis 10 months of the year and spending January and February in some shitty neighborhood in Pittsburgh or Philadelphia or Memphis?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I'm a jersey collector, you stupid motherfucker! That little smirk of yours makes me want to gouge your fucking eye out!

I'm sure my psychiatrist Dr Varma would be proud that I don't actually resort to violence.

Mrs called in sick today. I walked the dogs at 6 am and returned to bed to sleep until 9:30.

I dreamt about an alien invasion the other night and it was swift and brutal but no anal probes. Sorry.

Monday, May 2, 2011

It's ok, I've got time. My load of towels are in the dryer.

It was chilly outside this morning but I still rode my little bike 18 miles and throw in another 10 riding to and fro for Mrs and there you have it.

The new top cop in Chicago comes highly recommended from Newark where he understands the importance of a shitty neighborhood.

I have a shitload of Minneapolis Musette stickers that I'll soon be affixing to squad cars and fire trucks.