Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Cross Recap '08

Saint Cloud: Since Mrs stays home to answer my bookmaking calls I must race at Porkchop with no personal photographer. I ask Cullen to take a couple of pictures of me for my blog. Cullen takes 100 self portraits and shoots a 10 minute video while on a Saint Cloud city bus. All is not lost as Doom's mother regains her chili cooking throne.
Corcoran: Jessica takes a dollar hand up and I get to scare the piss out of some guy who wanders out on the course. I also take some guys phone away from him at the run up and give his shocked girlfriend a quick primer on parallel parking. Kevin the promoter chases me down as we're trying to leave and throws 100 water bottles in the car.
Hudson Riverfront: Here's two pieces of information about me. One bug bite is one too many and any foreign object in my shoe (such as sand) is a matter of life and death. All in all I'm a fashion nightmare with those red gloves and no handbag. After about a 9 month ad campaign Smithers makes his cross debut and also sings camp songs after the race. Debbie wanders into town and returns with an antique lamp that works for one night. Finally, I meet Gulliver the Cullen's golden retriever and I dare say neither of our lives will ever be the same.
Wirth Park: I'm dead on from a fashion standpoint with a Giant's jersey and my flip-up sunglasses. I get lost in the woods several times and end up in North Minneapolis at a fire station where I drop Dan Casper's name and immediately get promoted to Chief. Sadly and humanely this is where the racing part of cross season ends for me. Four days later Doctor Ed comes through with a cortisone injection and gives me a free set of pilot wings.
Velo Cx: Super Rookie opens the vault and makes a deal through my agent that I can't refuse. Spencer and Ped speak to me without prior authorization and Mrs buys the entire shoe section at Kohl's. Love Chunks skin color appears a nice grayish tone and he indeed lets out that he's a Mary Kay girl.
State Championship: I cheer loudest and ring the bell hardest for the C and B racers. I hand out about 20 bucks in not so hard earned City Of Richfield income. What recession? Shit, my dogs have a dog walker. Rosenberg makes his long awaited '08 cross debut and soundly defeats a little girl in a plaid skirt on her bmx bike. I fly the colors of the MFD and avoid the stairs where hooligans (don't worry Hurl, you're included) hand out shots of Tequila Rose to hard drinking roadies.

Well, that's the way I saw it...at least the parts of it I remember.