Friday, December 21, 2012


If the mothers of our country band together to force an assault weapons ban, then it will happen. That's more of an analytical statement than a personal feeling about gun control.

My mother Addie was born 89 years ago yesterday and we got a big ass pumpkin pie to celebrate it. Ma's influence on my life is profound.

I hit 5000 miles on the bike yesterday. Not bad for an older fella with a fucked up knee.

We belong to the YWCA which just happens to be across from a Little Ceasar's Pizza. Hey Sporty, a five dollar pizza isn't all that f-ing bad.

I feel like a bit of a shitheel for bringing home a stocking cap that was lost near the sledding hill at a nearby park. It's a Carhartt. Junior should keep better track of his shit.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Friday, October 19, 2012



Once upon a time I did some cyclocross races.Go down the page a little for the recap. It was fun.

Just hours left until your 48 hour furlough.

Saturday could be a big leaf raking day but let's not get carried away.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

You see, it's a squirrel and all that's between it and the dog is the window.

Maybe 8 percent unemployment is the new normal as they say. When we're at full employment we've got a lot of slapdicks in the workplace. I tried not to be one of the slappies.

What happens if we finally leave Afghanistan and then they ramp up terrorism again? Will we go back or just find another country to invade?

Maybe the squirrel thinks the glass pumpkin is real.

I'd like to rake some leaves but I felt a rain drop when I went outside to fill the bird feeder. I'm feeding them the cheap shit. Fuck them and their diets.

'Everyone is in their own little coma' - Mrs

'People could be 90% smarter by being 2% more observant' - Mario

I know some people who are hard to employ.

Married 32 years as of Monday. Yeah, she's a saint. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Go back to work. You'd think this would be a better country with all the GD hours you're working.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Monday, September 17, 2012

I'm already waiting in line for the new douchephone

If you're so regressed socially that you need Twatter then my handle is @alltheway_RAY. No, I don't give a fuck if you follow me. Of course, I may follow you back and comment. The nerve of the motherfucker!

Parents of Occupy Wall Street kids agree to unlock their trust funds

I cleaned the fucking chains on 3 of our bikes so get off my ass.

No, we're not imperfect beings living in an IMPERFECT world. The world is PERFECT and we're going to do our best to fuck up our planet.

A meager attempt is underway to ride 5000 miles this year. I'm currently at about 3400. It's all weather dependent, Jimmy.

Some guy who had to stop for the light at 42nd and 28th remarked that I was the blogger guy and why did I stop posting. My laziness knows no bounds although I did clean the chains, take out the garbage and clean the shit bowl. Let's not start suckin' each others dicks just yet.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Friday, August 3, 2012

Fridays - Olympics Edition

You just won't look at some tits on the internet, will you sporty? That's why the Black Assassin and I are stuck watching 60 hours of GD beach volleyball.

I mowed the lawn but I'm not legendary.

Summer coming to a close for the pathletes. They're too smart to ride a bike in the winter.

2520 miles so far for a chunky MF on his bike. Stick that in your ass, pathletes.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I was in Chicago for a couple of days prior to the 4th. Hadn't been home for four years. Yikes. It was hot. It's hot everywhere. I'm not gonna bitch. I reserve the right to bitch in January and February.

Had a great time visiting family and as you can see even rode a bike. The photo was taken at the corner of Clark and Addison which is also where Wrigley Field is. I rode with my nephews Brian and Paul on the Late Ride along with 9000 other people. It takes a route through the city and along the lake. This photo was taken on the pre-ride on the way to the rally point by Buckingham Fountain.

My family took really good care of me. I told my nephews I'll remember a humid night riding a bike in Chicago when I'm out shoveling snow next winter. Mrs calls this one of my happy kid on his bike photos. For sure. Sure sure.

Friday, June 22, 2012


Photo submitted by Chicago Bureau Chief Paul W.

If you are on your bike and see someone with a rear type bike rack on their car, take fucking cover because they're dangerous drivers.

Most weekdays I ride a bicycle 20 miles and drive a car 15 or so. When you're in your car resist those borderline opportunities to be a dick. You know what I mean, sporty. There are times when just a little patience makes everything better for all parties involved.

Friday, June 8, 2012


Going to Kohl's this afternoon to get a second summer shirt for events that a 200 dollar sports jersey aren't appropriate for.

Some prick hacked my email and sent everybody a sob story about the Queen mugging me and leaving me for dead. They also wiped out my inbox and contacts list. Email me at if we communicate by that method occasionally or just fucking email me to say hello and tell me what a horse's ass I am.

It's cute to say you're never going to retire or you'll work till you're 70 but actually doing it is another matter. As my old buddy Red pointed out, we'll have old fuckers dying every day at work so we better keep a meat wagon handy.

Friday, June 1, 2012


I counted the baseball jerseys. There are 50 of them.

The economy didn't add enough jobs in May (69,000) which means the stock market is going to take a hard hit today in my opinion. I'll vote for Obama again in November but I don't think he's going to win a second term. The head coach always gets canned because that's the way it is.

Speaking of the current numbers I believe I'm at about 1500 miles ridden on my little bicycle for the year. It's only a bicycle and none of them are worth a fuck unless they get ridden.

Monday, May 21, 2012

I kinda rolled part way through a stop sign on my bike. I stopped at the last moment because a car was coming. I apologized to driver but that wasn't good enough. The bitch had to keep babbling and correcting me. She's probably used to babbling and correcting people on all kinds of topic. How's that joke go? Women say a lot of stuff that doesn't always make sense but they seldom get corrected because there's always somebody who wants to fuck 'em.

I can be a misogynist without be a sexist.

Friday, May 11, 2012


There are probably only about 6 cyclists in the world besides Mrs that I don't hate.

I've been mowing the lawn with a push mower (reel mower, ok sporty?) that I bought a couple of years ago. Riding my bike through the yard for half an hour would have the same effect. Maybe if there was more grass and less weeds it would work better. Now, you're up to speed.

On my bike ride this morning I got to pet 4 dogs. The Black Assassin wasn't jealous because she's spoiled fucking rotten. He who pets the most dogs wins. Got it, fucky?

Dinner tonight at the new Mexican restaurant that took over Stabby's old place at 42nd and Cedar. They did it right. They washed the windows. Threw their name on a new awning and started cooking.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

JJ, we in trouble

Sometimes she scares the piss out of JJ. He tries to paw her in the head but she's much too quick for that shit.
Is this something Rasta welded together? Tell him I don't return text messages when my minute balance is below 10 minutes. Is it just me or does the fucking thing look like its the length of a school bus.

A hearty Fuck You goes out to anyone who stumbled in here by accident. Go back and post some pearls of wisdom on Twitter, bitch. This blog is for bad asses only.

It's not quite warm enough to have the ac on so for the 3rd time in the 20 years since we air conditioned this dump I have the windows open. Right now every swingin' dick is mowing his lawn.

I want to treat this thing like Facebook except with more foul language.

Where the fuck is my picture of Vinny?

Ask Rasta to take a picture of this contraption with less shit in the background.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Assassin and I have CNBC on all day unless there's a baseball game on. We're the part of the 99% who squirreled away a couple of bucks and doesn't want to work until we're 80 even if it requires buying a few less jerseys and not owning a douchephone.

I'm not the main target for the smart phone market. Kids are being convinced that they're world will fall apart if they aren't in constant contact with their little shitbird buddies.

The first lawn mowing is looming.

My Cubs don't have much in the way of power hitting and the pitching is mediocre at best. This is gonna be a long one.

Exchanged vows at the Grand Canyon. That's hippie talk.

Friday, April 6, 2012


Right at 2:50 is one of the classic movie lines of all time from Mac Davis. I can't believe a football coach would encourage his players to knock the opposing team's players out of the game for chump change. 1500 bucks for a knockout!?! That's some serious cash.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

As car commercial go, this is a good one.

Turned 54 years old yesterday. Had a great day. Got a slick hat and a pair of Jordans. Photos coming.

Ermisch asked if there was one piece of information I could him since he's 30 years younger than me. I told him to enjoy his time with his mother and father. Once they're gone they're gone and as Mrs said -'a little part of you dies with them'.

Friday, March 30, 2012


Mrs is getting off early today and we're heading over to Macy's annual flower show. I have to ride 13 miles to make 300 for March and 740 for the year. A grueling 6 mile ride to Sovereign Grounds is planned.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Mrs let me buy a new basketball for the Y. It has a nice grip and has increased my shooting percentage by 6.23%.

I ride a bike and drive a car so I see lots of boneheaded maneuvers from both camps. I gave up going through red lights on my bike for Lent.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Just trying to cheer you up on a Monday. Remember not to look at the bomb blast unless you have a pair of Oakleys on and ride your bike as fast as you can to Wisconsin because there isn't shit there worth blowing up.

Friday, March 23, 2012


Wendy Williams kinda scares me. Maybe it's the tits.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

White guys playing basketball starts at noon.

Aliens abducted my body and rode my bike twenty miles in the rain. No anal probe included which was nice of the rotten bastards.

Monday, March 12, 2012

I wouldn't exactly say it's rainin' men

First things first. Please buy the Sun Times a couple of times this week including the Saturday paper. Don't worry about getting the Sunday paper. Thanks PW, you're a mensch.

I just rode the Kogswell for the first time in like 6 month yesterday and boy was it fun. Seems like being semi hunched over wasn't as hard as last summer. It could come from all the new flexibility gained from shooting the rock at the Y.

Even though it's illegal and the FBI is closing in you may fill out a five dollar NCAA basketball tournament board at the office. Being the insubordinate bastard that I am...we may not have many middle management types reading this bullshit. If we do and that's a stretch then you middle managers need to lighten the fuck up and look the other way concerning this form of addictive gambling. It's a better morale builder than team building but not as good as happy hour where the only thing you people can talk about is work.

So bracketologists, here's a small bit of information. Use it wisely my son.

One thing I can count on concerning my board is that Wisconsin is going to fuck me. If I pick against them they go to the regional final. If I pick them to go a ways they lose to some dental school in the 2nd round. Pooey on Bucky.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Fridays - Don't play the video at work you dumb fuck

No, Twitter is the bathroom wall of the internet. The comment section on You Tube is a close second.

Knee deep in college basketball, sporty. Still rode my bike 15 miles today even though I was a little chilly for the first hour.

Vigil is out for the Fed Ex truck. It's good to be a gangster.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Peyton Manning weighs in on Iran

Big East Tournament started yesterday so The Assassin and I are soaking up some hoops.

I've ridden my bike(s) 480 miles so far this year including 16 yesterday and today. I go to the Y with Mrs but that more to shoot some hoops and people watch. There are a lot of Somali kids shooting the rock at the Y. They're very respectful and polite to me.

Yeah Red just give me a call and drop the bike off. I'll give you a ride home. We can even stop at Sovereign Grounds for a cup.

I think my laundry is done. See you in church.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Fridays - Thursday Afternoon Edition

Mrs and I have our dental checkups in the morning and then she'll have the steering wheel in my back the rest of the day including a dance show at Orchestra Hall choreographed by the same guy who taught John Travolta how to dance. Or maybe it's the guy who thrills the piss out of us with Dancing With The Stars. I like to watch dancing but the judges are dicks which overshadows the dancing.

I'll get fed good tomorrow so I don't mind driving Mrs to her favorite stores and accompanying her with a clean shirt on to dancing.

Celebrating 3 years since I got laid off from the City Of Richfield tomorrow. You Richfield people who sneak a look at this motherfucker better be putting as much as you can in those 401k's or whatever the fuck number it is. Three years baby boy. You can never fucking get that back from me no matter what the future holds.

I'm not pissed off that the City laid me off. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'm pissed off at the clinical emotionless way they handled it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Black Assassin has lived at our home for 2 years today. She's my buddy all day long. What's a chewed up couch count in the grand scheme of things.

We joined the Y on Sunday and Mrs took part in a yoga class yesterday. I shot baskets in the gym with some old timer who's more full of shit than I am. Hard to believe but true. I'd like to do a little weight lifting but that floor with the exercise equipment is hard for me to take. I mean I held my mother's hand when she blew out her last breath in this life and I left the Snow Bear's body at the vet (it was hard to leave her) so she could be cremated but I refuse to take exercise seriously. Now the basketball court is where the fun is. Loads of Somali kids shooting the rock...and a couple of old white guys shooting two hand set shots. Yee ha!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Some people don't believe me when I tell them how much this shit sells for. I'd have to win the lottery before I'd pay 3 grand for a No-show Moreno jersey. I'm a jersey scavenger. I buy jerseys from guys who get traded or dropped. In that spirit I'm looking for a Prince Fielder Brewers jersey for the right price.

I saw some guy skiing at Hiawatha Golf Course yesterday afternoon. Talk about a diehard. I used to cross country ski but I fell down too much so I continued riding my bike in the winter instead of parking it in November.

Since they're fixing that bicycle bridge over Hiawatha they may as well correct one of the other design flaws. When the bridge was built benches were installed but as Hurl pointed out there are no ash trays adjacent to the benches which is bullshit.

A lot of shows on what I call regular cable such as Justified, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead contain liberal use of the words shit, asshole and GD-it. But why is the word fuck banned? It's true that I never heard my mother use the word but it's usage is so widespread that it just doesn't have the same oomph that it one had.

Let's have this presidential election next Tuesday and be done with this shit. You know who you're going to vote for. I mean, come on, are 8 more months of shit slinging going to change your mind?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A filthy GD snowman in the hood

I'm joining the Y so I can shoot hoops with white guys. I just need to purchase a pair of those short shorts that runners sometimes wear. Sexy motherfuckers!

Monday, February 20, 2012

My old buddy from the City of Richfield finally got another job after almost 3 years of playing the fucking game. He's proof of how hard it is to get another job when you're over 45. And he's still delivering pizzas part time.

It's easier to ride a bike than walk these days. No big deal. Mrs says that leg is just going to fall off. How fucking cool would that be?

Red, sorry I missed you at Midtown this morning. I made a stop and had coffee with the family attorney and Nice Ride Josh. Yes, Mrs and I have spent 25 to 30 grand at Freewheel. Yes, Kevin should GIVE me an access card even though I won't park any of my shit in there.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Now I know why stay at home moms seldom bathe.

Not back to Saint Paul again. Mrs ordered a book from Krochs and Brentano's or whatever the name of the book store in Highland is. I get the big ass burrito from Chipotle so it's all good.

I've ridden 300 miles so far this year so a thousand isn't out of the question.

Bolstad will be providing artillery for Mrs assault on the Roseville Herberger's tomorrow.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I put this one on Facebook which was a waste of time. You mugs are much more refined. Stay classy. What's the point of the video? Just that my little girl is spoiled fucking rotten which is just perfect in my book.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Friday, February 3, 2012

Some of you may not have seen this one. My boy Skibby has still got it. You know I can wear that hat and get dirty looks from fucktards who have their balls neatly stored in the old lady's purse.

I need Tivo so I can record the Super Bowl and watch it in condensed form without the shitty halftime show or the over-hyped commercials. At least I can say I remember the Super Bowl when it was just a football game.

I'm surprised the bike trails aren't loaded with commuters these days. There are basically no icy spots and the weather has been about as chilly as mid November. Did I mention that gas is $3.35 a gallon?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

It doesn't seem like you could be this alone in Chicago. I guess you just have to look. A foggy day on your bike beats the shit out of any day at work.

Monday, January 30, 2012

It's amazing what people think their used shit is worth. I'm on a jersey forum and there's an open forum for sales of used shit. I wish I could just say: Hey boys, lower the fucking prices! You're old laundry isn't worth that much.

I've ridden 207 miles this year on my bike. I eclipsed the 200 mile mark on April 7th last year. Not everyone is sad about a lack of snow.

HBO pimped the shit out of their new series Luck. Mrs remarked that she hated all of the characters which doesn't help. We like Boardwalk Empire better. It's interesting because my grandmother was born in 1903 or 1904 so she would have been a teenager in the early 1920's.

Coffee tomorrow morning at One on One. Let the rotation begin.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Did you click on the link for that couch in Wrigleyville? I can't find the one on the south side that has bunk beds for 17 bucks. Mrs laughed at the thought of throwing her ass into the top bunk.

Gave the girl at the Donut Cooperative an extra quarter tip for NOT reading the donut roster to me. I wanted the coconut creme donut but my mother's grave would burst into flames if I spent $3 for a f-ing donut.

Midtown is changing hours as of Monday and will open at 8 instead of 6:30.

I could ride to One on One. They open at 7:30 and Karna is nice.

Hakkahn Olyjawon (spelled wrong, Fuck you) opens at 6:30 at Sovereign Grounds.

Ma and Pa Kettle are a little too busy opening cans of soup to have any personality at Firewhatever at 38th and 37th.

Donut Cooperative opens at 7 but then I'd be an even bigger fat ass within a month. That, and I can only handle the whole Portlandia schtick about once a week.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I could see myself spending a week on this couch. I could meet PW in the loop for lunch. Keep a piss pot of Dunkin Donuts handy. Buy a hardware store Magna and give it to a homeless guy when I leave town. Endless possibilities, my boy.

Friday, January 20, 2012


 Hey Mr, have you got any candy?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I can look at this picture and not get hungry. You know why? Because I had tuna for lunch so the rest of this afternoon I'll feel like I'm going to vomit. I could take an antacid but why spoil the fun.

The only people who are allowed to ride a bike on the sidewalk are kids, my Mexican brothers and me. And Mrs too, of course. Speaking of which, I rode my bike on the sidewalk on Cedar from 42nd Street down to Cedar and Lake, and on Lake Street from Cedar to 21st. You see a lot of stuff from the sidewalk that you can't see when you take your life in your hand and ride either on Cedar or Lake Street. I know, I know, I should be riding a Magna if I'm riding on the sidewalk but I look like the neighborhood crazy so all is well.

I think I'm setting zero as my new limit for riding a bike. I don't care how tough you are. I want to be compared to every 53 year old man whether they ride a bike or plop their fat ass down on the couch.

Fuck you. I'm off my meds and I know where you live.

Love Ray

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I used an old e-mail I set up for Mrs to get 10 percent off at the NFL shop and while I was at it I posted on her old blog. Mention was made of the will. The will is only worth a shit if we die today. If we live to 80 we won't have a pot to piss in. Right? That's the American way.

Why the fuck do people always tell you how busy they are with their job and of course shuttling their offspring to soccer, band practice and underwater basket weaving? I don't care. Fuck you, I'm going to count how many Metro Transit buses go down 42nd Street between the hours of 10 and 2.

I rode my bike 12 miles today and 12 yesterday and nobody including me gives a shit.

What if I don't applaud a woman who's 8 and a half months pregnant for riding a bike on a 15 degree morning?

Oh sure, tomboy girls are swell but give me a nice girl with at least 30 pairs of shoes.

Look at that dog! What a magnificent beast. Gotta go. Bus just went by, Fucky McFuck Fuck.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Friday, January 6, 2012

I told you I still had it. No soup for you? What bullshit that was. Only smug New Yorkers would put up with that kinda shit.


I was going to post a photo every day for a year but we see how far that went. Some of you have sent in photos in the past which is always good. I still need to find that classic shot of Bald n Surly's lunch. It's in my email inbox along with 500 other items.

Hip, hip, hooray! I guess those IRS and Minnesota refund checks don't expire as fast as I thought.

Ebay is sure turning into a bummer for jersey collectors. Most of the shit on there is fake. I'm on a jersey message board that likes to post the worst of the fakes. But still I search.

I'm not sure cyclists are ever going to be accepted by the general population. It won't happen until it's no longer fashionable to bash cyclists in everyday conversation.

Send those photos with your douchephones and other devices to You may become a star and win some crap.

Sunday, January 1, 2012