Friday, December 31, 2010

So what kind of kinky shit have you got planned for New Year's Eve?

I did my best with our end of the alley. I chopped and dug and chopped and shoveled while it was 40 and raining yesterday. Today while it was still semi soft and slushy I squeegeed as much of the water out of the way. Now I need to steal a salt truck to finish the job.

I rode 4500 miles this year which included only 49 miles in January and none in December. Nope, I couldn't get my fat ass out there once. I'm turning in my union card at the Winter Cyclists Hall and will limp my 5 miles a day until further notice.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Just spent about 40 minutes leisurely shoveling the crusty windrow out of my coach walk. You know, the little walk between the curb and the City's sidewalk. I was wearing the big ass blue coverall suit that I got from my Uncle Steve or Johnny Boy. Not sure. Oh I looked the part. It's all ball bearings these days.

Thank you goes out the Minnesota Vikings who put forth a pretty good effort against the Eagles last night. I never root for the Viking but last night's win guarantees the Bears the #2 seed.

Happy to say we are out of turkey.

Celine Dion - Because You Loved Me
Mississippi John Hurt - Will The Circle Be Unbroken
Ice Cube - You Can Do It
Ray Charles - Mess Around
James Brown - Sex Machine
Notorious B.I.G. and Puff Daddy - Mo Money Mo Problems
Freddie King - Me and My Guitar
Son Seals - Call My Job

Throw in some Prince, Michael Jackson, BB King, George Clinton and Muddy Waters and others and you get the drift of what's on my ipod.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The alley is tight even with the endless shoveling I've been doing. I've done about half of my neighbor across the alley's apron so I can get the car in the garage. Rain is coming so I'll be walking shovels of snow out to 42nd St for melting purposes. Somewhere, Earl Heimes is smiling.

I never wanted to be a fireman as a kid. The leather faced fireman in Chicago didn't do much to inspire me.

Sure the east coast got a shitload of snow but most of it will have melted by this time next week.

How far can a guy in a pair of boxer shorts get?

This New Year's Eve I vow to stay up until 9 pm.

If you come over to my house there will be turkey in your coat pocket when you leave.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Every time I think about stopping at the T-Mobile store and getting a new phone (not a douchephone you ignorant piece of shit) I say to myself: What The Fuck For. There is however, the world's largest recliner on sale at Penney's. When Mrs sits in it her feet are about a foot off the ground.
I've traded in my fleet of bikes for a selection of snow shovels. Not really but if I don't ride a bike between now and Friday it will be the first month I haven't ridden a bike outdoors in 10 years or so. Records were made to be broken.

Happy Monday kids.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

We've got a turkey and a can of jellied cranberry sauce.

We've got an apple pie and 2 different flavors of ice cream.

Yeah sure, chip and dip.

We've got a bag of mini carrots because you health nuts would be concerned.

We've got Inception, The Town, Clerks, Shutter Island, The Road and Hot Tub Time Machine.

And last but not least we're going to strip search each other just like at the airport.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Hey, some of you kids in the midwest might like yet another weather guy. Make sure you check out the Almost Live Cam.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Ma was born 87 years ago today which is why they're playing an outdoor NFL game in Minnesota to celebrate. Look at the pipes! Who needs tickets to the gun show? What are those, beets? Yuck!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010


Today we started the old No Parking On The Even Side in Minneapolis and as of 10 am there were still quite a few cars parked on the even side. I think they call that a target rich environment for the meter maid.

Mrs says travelling the country in some old mobile home would be better than buying some shithole in Kansas City. Yeah, but I know who gets to do all the driving.

The weekend is almost here for you working stiffs. I'm not so far removed from the work place that I don't appreciate how precious those 48 hours are.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

1) The City Of Minneapolis has liberated the 41st Street end of the alley. Don't be that asshole who throws snow into the alley or Scanny and I will piss our names in your front yard.

2) I am jones-in' for some Christmas cookies. No, not the ones like Mother used to make. Hers were harder than a MF. God bless you Mother. I'd give anything for some of your cutting-blade- hard-cookies.
I found the tunnel to Children's Hospital so now I can walk from Lake Street to Broadway without going outside.

It's only December 16th and I'm tired of winter already. Maybe we'll winter in Kansas City. We can buy some shithole on the east side for 20 grand and have his and hers 9 millimeters for when we leave the house. I'm dreaming of a Christmas shootout.

The guy who said 'I'm not a woman hater, I'm a people hater' is both profound and profane.

The movie The Town comes out on video on Friday. Mrs and I purchased Inception and The Usual Suspects on Monday. There's an actor who is in all three movies. I know you don't care and I don't care that you don't care.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mrs was home from work yesterday because Minneapolis Public Schools were closed so all of the little darlings who attend treatment and schoolin' at the hospital spent the day texting and hanging out at the malls.

I'm betting that back-to-back Snow Emergencies in Minneapolis led to a shitload of ticketed cars. As we speak there's a car out in front of the house with a ticket on it.

I really applaud you kids who are still riding your bikes in Minneapolis. Just remember that we've reached the time of the year when motorists don't just want you off the street and out of their way. They want you dead and off the street and out of their way.

Monday, December 13, 2010

You bet your ass it's cold out there. I rode public transportation with the Mrs to the Franklin LRT Station where she caught the 2 bus on Franklin. I then walked to Bloomington and Franklin where I caught the 14 bus to Lake Street. I then hobbled my way to the Midtown Bike Center for coffee and a waffle. Dan from Nice Ride was nice enough to give me a ride home and here I sit.

Don't count on riding your little bike on the Greenway just yet because it's going to take more than a pick-up truck to plow it. Call your congressman and while you have him on the phone ask him why we're still in Afghanistan.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

My neighbor's garage across the alley.
My alley looking towards 42nd Street.
It's nice to think of a day when shorts were required.

I'm saving the back for Scanny.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

My Sassy Girl loves the snow.
Mrs and I just shoveled at 3 o'clock and it was a job. That was the third shoveling of the day. Metro Transit has suspended bus service and Hennepin County has pulled the plows off the road. We've had 15 inches of snow so far and about an inch or two more to come.

We watched Scarface on A & E. 'F*ck the f*cking Diaz brothers!'
It's one blustery mug out there. I may not take my car out until Wednesday. I haven't seen it snow like this around here in quite a while. The Assassin loves the snow.

Friday, December 10, 2010


Thanks a lot for the socks, Paul. White dog not included.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Chicks really dig me because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something exotic.

I played with the black dog in the alley. And then? I took an hour and a half nap until the black dog woke me up. And then? I browned the ground turkey for tonight's casserole. And then? I walked the black dog 2500 steps worth pausing only to admire a City Of Minneapolis worker digging out one corner with a loader. Rome wasn't built in a day. And then. I prepared and consumed the instant oatmeal. And then? Now, we are patiently awaiting 3 pm when we drive to Fairview Riverside Hospital at the intersection of I Can't Drive and I Have No F-ing Idea Where I'm Going.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

You may get dizzy after this

I guess I'm qualified for a surgeon's job. I've got a white lab coat and a stethoscope. There's a straight jacket around here someplace too.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ray of Light (Ray Lewis)

I have what amounts to about a 40 foot leash for the Assassin. I had to tie a couple of knots that would make a sailor snicker. She likes to go out in the alley and chase her tennis ball and dig shit (literally) out of the snow to eat. Stand down, sporty. Your kids are more disgusting (especially the teenage ones) on a daily basis than any dog.

Speaking of which. If my house is on fire and you're passing by and can tear yourself away from your douchephone then rescue in this order:

1) Mrs but then don't fuck around too long getting to #2
2) Snowy Bear and Sassy
3) The bikes and then have the Wroblewski brothers come get them
4) The jerseys and pick out a nice one for yourself
5) If you have time and don't need a smoke break or coffee then pull my smoldering carcass out. If you think you might get your shoes dirty then the hell with me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Been doing ok with my walking. I walk till my knee hurts pretty bad and then I sit down for a while. Walked the mile and a half home from the 46th Street light rail station and the last four blocks would have made Dick Butkus proud.

The Assassin was born in Kentucky. Ran the streets of Owensboro, KY, until she was apprehended and came here last February but she's nuts about the snow. She scoops up mouthfuls of snow when she's thirsty. Yeah, watch out where the huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow.

Thinking of a number between 7 and 10.

Who's the guy ripping the Gophers a new one about selecting a football coach? The brother's got an axe to grind.

The topic of TSA fondling seems to have quieted down.

This is the week I ride a bike again.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Today we remember Ron Santo of the Chicago Cubs. Banks at 1st, Beckert at 2nd, Kessinger at short and Santo at 3rd. What a childhood.

Snow's coming and we're waxing our skis like a ... I prefer Rain Dance while Mrs likes Pledge.

We started watching The Pacific which is the companion mini-series to Band Of Brothers. Band Of Brothers is excellent and so is The Pacific so far.

We had an Eddie Ballgame aka Easy Eddie aka Easy E up in the Global Market buying coffee at Mapps. He has abandoned us till spring.

If I could do it all over again I still wouldn't do the Arrowhead 135 and be stalked by some moose with a mile long wrap sheet.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Think what Tony Montana could've done with a Dremel?

These are Chicago Bears throwback socks and I need a pair. If I can find the shop where they're sold and it's not in Rockford I'll appreciate one of you making a road trip. Not you in Minnesota, jigglestick. You, in Chicago.

I took the elevator up one floor from the Global Market stop and you can walk through skyways all the way to Franklin Avenue. Red, I can see why you have to get going in the morning because your walk is damn near as far as your morning bike commute.

Scored some leftovers from Mrs lunch yesterday. Her coworkers made up for the fact that they forgot her birthday last month by showering her with gifts. They also all wore the letter "L" to signify their status.

Me, I would have stood on my desk at the end of the day spewing obscenities about "how you MFers forgot my birthday".

I love Snowy Bear because I took her outside 5 times yesterday and then she shit in the dining room 15 minutes after the last walk and 10 minutes before dinner.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I wouldn't walk through Powderhorn Park alone at night. I would with either Scanny or Sassy.

I bought the cutest pair of boots at Kaplan Brothers today. They're fur lined with a side zipper. I have a dog with a 6 hour bladder. You do the math.

Now have a pedometer and trying to do the whole 10,000 steps thing. 6000 short yesterday. Off to a better start today. One in every 50 steps produces a shot of impressive knee pain. Once again, do the math.

Mrs says that prospective home buying couples should look at homes separately and then together. That way the man could check out the mechanical stuff like the plumbing, furnace and roof. Then the woman could check out the logistical stuff like closets and shit. I wouldn't buy a house without having one of those home inspector guys look at it first. That said, I hope to leave this house feet first even if it's this afternoon.

Monday, November 29, 2010

But if you've got a warrant I guess you're gonna come in

It isn't a problem until I run out of room.

Great 4 and half day weekend with Mrs and the puppies. The inside of our home looks very Christmassy. Thank God we have Mrs.

We observe a moment of silence for the great Leslie Nielsen. Shirley, you can't be serious.

Breakfast at Maria's with The Plumber.

I am going to say hello to people and smile at them even though I didn't go to high school with them and not give a shit if they display the personality of a dish rag in return.

Bears win but who cares? Vikings fans are back on the Super Bowl bandwagon after winning on the road for the first time since Clinton was President.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Oh we're definitely related.

I applied online at K-Mart this morning. No, for the 3rd f-ing time, I've never worked for K-Mart or been convicted of a felony. And no I wouldn't turn in Little Johnny. I'm from Chicago. Where's mine?

Mrs and I each have 160 minutes on our cell phones so if you'd like to have a 2 minute conversation please call.

Black Friday shopping was limited to Nokomis Shoe store on 50th and 34th Ave. 20% off all hats and gloves. Never have enough hats.

We might maybe may ride our bikes the grueling 2.49 miles to Midtown for a cup of coffee and some lively conversation. We better go soon because as we all know the sun now goes down at 2.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

Zero hour approaches. Time to clean up somewhat and head out to Hopkins for Thanksgiving dinner with the Watsons. We bring the rolls from Baker's Wife. Each one has a half a stick of butter in it.

The wind is howling and it's 14 degrees and I sure the heck hope you're not freezing your ass off in some thin-asses school clothes. I'm mixing in a little Carhartt and a warm hat because that car is chilly chilly chilly.

I can hear Tom Brady carving up Detroit in the other room so it's time for a Triple S-er (Wroblewski boys understand) and then chow time.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hard to believe we got the keys to this house 20 years ago today. No big celebrations planned. I'll more likely celebrate that we picked up our 1994 Toyota Camry 17 years ago today and have driven it 155,000 miles in that time. I'll have an Allina accountant do the math for you.

The great Mrs is leaving at 1:15 today and then we go to lunch before traffic hits the fan.

No call back from Target as of yet.

It was 20 years between the times I saw both my brothers at the same time. Don't take anything for granted.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I was a little lazy yesterday so all I could come up with was a quick dog video.

Scanny and I picked up the chiminea at Home De-Pot so I can burn all the sticks and branches that have piled up around here. Sure I'd like to set up shop with a 55 gallon drum in a vacant lot but Minneapolis just isn't the place for that.

Childress got fired but you've still got a 41 year old man with a sore arm and a f-ed up ankle running the show.

I applied online for a job at Target today. I don't work Fridays or weekends and my salary demands would make Gordon Gecko hyperventilate.

I'd like to ride a bike outside but it's 18 degrees outside and cuddly warm inside.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Some woman near the Lake Street LRT Station remarked quickly with a brrrr because I was on a bicycle yesterday. It was about 30 at that time with a decent wind. I guess I'm a part of something whether I'll admit it or not.

Going to see Unstoppable this morning at 10:30. Sassy had me up at 4:30 to get my day off to a good start.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hey smart guy, TMZ ain't the only ones with photos.

Knee hurt like a MF and a two hour nap seemed to help quite a bit.

I agree with one of Mrs' coworkers who says she's always ready for a good pat down. Hold me.

Hennepin County wants to raise our property taxes 18%. Then why is little Jimmy such a dumb shit?

The black dog only requires 8 to 9 minutes of sleep a day. I'll lend her to you people with kids for play time but keep the Bactine handy. What's Bactine? It's what mothers in the 60's put on cuts and knife wounds to disinfect. Yeah, it stung like a ...

The nice thing is that I've run off most of my old crowd of readers and am now working on alienating a whole new crowd.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ok jigglestick, I took the ink blot test, got a connector for my ipod, got the special dog treats from Chuck and Don's and picked up a couple of nice pastries from Rustica. Two dogs in the microwave ain't Uncle Frankies but they'll do. Now, I'm browning the hamburger as instructed and may get in a little light mopping too.

You see, the term customer service has the term customer in it. If you're going to be rude or an airhead then fuck off and get another job.

Who's happy? The guys on the City Of Minneapolis yard waste truck because the snow pretty much put an end to any leaf activities. Bless you boys.

Sadly or not, my cell phone minutes expire today. I would have bought more at the T-Mobile kiosk at Southdale but the guy told me he didn't open for another 10 minutes. So I bid him a fond fuck you and will now investigate who has the best deal.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

ESPN has a college basketball marathon but I still cleaned the kitchen floor and gave myself a haircut. I shaved and have a cut on my chin that was close to requiring stitches.

My next 9 lives will be as an old lady's Golden Retriever.

Mrs is quite impressed by my pleated Dockers that I'm riding in these days.

I know how piss-your-pants excited some of you get about snow but I'd prefer a winter with almost no snow.

Pot roast baby, pot roast.

Time for a cup of coffee and a mini candy bar.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Snowy Bear, Sassy and I just got back from the airport. They were offering free pat downs from 9 to noon. Usually, you need to buy me dinner to fondle me but as long as it's in the name of national security, what the heck.

Meat loaf for lunch. I was told to eat it or throw it away.

Cell phone minutes will expire this week but at least I think I can still use the phone as an alarm clock.

I can hear Vikings fans jumping off the bandwagon.

The Snowy Bear showed the puppy just who the Queen Bee is this morning.

Keep those header photos coming. We'll get to all of them.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I took Mrs to Herberger's during the big snowstorm yesterday because she's awesome and she bought me breakfast.

I cleaned the gutters and roof valleys Friday and didn't fall off the roof. Scanny mulched up the rest of the leaves and we're looking good for winter.

Hats off to everyone who froze their asses off at Bassett Creek the last 2 days in the name of cyclocross.

Bears win homeboy!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Today is Veteran's Day. Today I ride my bike for those who will never ride their bike again and for this poor girl who just wanted to be close one more time.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Happy birthday, Debbie! I always liked this picture from when you pushed those little brats out of the way so you could get a better view of the Hollidazzle Parade. They should have been home in bed anyway.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm high maintenance because I demand hot dog buns with a freshness date before 10/1/10. Riding 20 miles in the morning involves a certain amount of aimless wandering. Some guy in a shitbox Yugo told me there may be a Rollo available in the basement. Can I be more esoteric without you getting your thong in a bunch?

I was told to not go up on the roof when no one is home. Hey, a big bag of shit just fell off that roof! I was turned away at the door at the new Peace Coffee coffee shop. Hey kids, you can ride your little bike with your cool cycling hat and a Chrome bag but only Mommy and Daddy are out at 5:50 am (Are you still in your smoking jacket?) on their way to the big hospital on Riverside Avenue.

Blowing the doors off some shitbird with panniers will lead to stiffness in the knee area. But let's face it, that knee is shot. I want to try acupuncture just so I can take a photo of my knee with 200 needles in it.

Alright spanky, that's enough of this.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Good job on your header photo selections . We'll get to all of them.

Mrs and I attended (more of a stop over) the cross races at the Velodrome on Saturday. It's the first bike race I have gone to this year. Great to see the old crowd even the ones who are too GD important to talk to me.

Waiting to hear if Tuffy has fired Brad Childress. It is Brad, isn't it?

The Assassin got called for a clipping penalty yesterday forcing me to lose my balance and step on one of her toys (Kong) which rolled out from under my foot causing me to go down. You may have felt the tremor.

Enjoy the time change and extra daylight in the morning which will last till Friday. To balance this off it now gets dark at 2pm.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Thanks to Lord Snakecrotch for the header photo of his bike. Monte has submitted a nice action photo of him clearing a barrier at a cross race. Very nice work. Monte and I agree that riding flat tires when you race cross is ludicrous.

The lovely Mrs will be leaving work early today to renew her driver's license at the Midtown Global Market Service Center.

Remember, the email address is I have pictures of some of you. I'll pull them out and use them. You can submit header photos that don't contain you. Photos of food are always good. A nice photo of your alley works too.

It was little brisk this morning (29 degrees) when a 4'11" gal blazed a trail to work. I was the candyass with 2 pairs of gloves on.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Yeah, we know how f-ing awesome we are, bitch!

Judging by the dirty look I got from a woman customer at Colossal Cafe any type of laughter is prohibited. Eat a bag of shit, lady. You suck.

It is a beautiful cool crisp morning in Minneapolis.

The Republicans are in the process of painting over all of the bike lanes and opening the Greenway to car traffic. The kicker is that two years from now you halfwits will have elected Sarah Palin as President and you too will be able to see Russia from your house.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Submit a photo to and I'll probably post it as the header photo. Don't be a chickenshit your whole life. Stop mumbling and come in out of the shadows. Regular correspondents Ro-Po PW, Johnny Boy, Tuffy and Snakecrotch will all be happy to know that your pay raises were approved by the board.

The Republicans are in and now sanity will be restored he said with a larger than average dose of sarcasm.

In my day I could have made the Man v. Food guy look like he was eating in a dainty fashion.

34 years ago today I had a job interview with the City of Kansas City, MO and I had a problem catching the right bus. I was late but got the job anyway. It was the day after election day and everyone was talking about our new President, Jimmy Carter.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

You can throw a garden hose out in your regular waste bin in Minneapolis which is the highlight of the day so far. I thought you might have to cut it up into 3 inch lengths like when you're trying to get rid of a f-ing branch.

I have a Tim Couch Cleveland Browns jersey that I won on E-bay 3 or 4 years ago. People make fun of Tim Couch. He played in the NFL and is married to a Playboy playmate. I offered some guy 25 bucks for another Tim Couch jersey on E-bay. He'll sell it to you for $99. He's hiding the fact that it's a Tim Couch jersey by not showing the name on the back. You deceptive bastard!

I'll vote with Mrs after she gets off work. In 20 years I can be an election volunteer.

Shit baby, it's time to eat. Take me to Defcon 1.

Monday, November 1, 2010

It's ok, I only THOUGHT we were out of hot dogs and the buns are good till 9/21/10.

Where were we? Oh yeah, I've ridden my little fleet of bikes and The Dragger 4129 miles this year. Between September 12th and October 22nd we drove our car 276 miles. What's the moral of the story? It's time for Halloween candy. That's the moral.

I moved to the Somerset Apartments 32 years ago yesterday. Animal costumes work best when it's below 50 degrees. That is my brother John pictured above.

Saturday was such a beautiful day weather wise that Mrs and I remained in our pajamas the entire day and even walked the furry children in our jamms. I broke these people down long ago. Besides a touch of college football we watched The Italian Job, The Bourne Ultimatum and The Departed.

The Assassin was quite pissed off to be in her kennel with so much activity in her front yard. We went through 7 bags of candy and I gave one kid a fresh clip for his 9 mm. The hood's always got your back.

Friday, October 29, 2010

So the guy that got killed by a delivery van had stolen the bike he got killed on just a couple of hours earlier? Karma chased his ass down.

The Assassin may have to be in her kennel during Trick-or-Treating. She does not like people walking up to her front door and she dislikes any dog she can see out her window. And really, really hates the sight of our mailman.

It was 30ish when I rode with Miss Debbie to the hospital this morning. I was pretty warm because I was overdressed.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I went through one of the bags I brought home when they laid me off a year and seven months ago. Don't rush me.

That was a windy dog last night huh, Nitro? I've seen a lot of stuff blown around but some guy's roof vent turbine is in the alley.

I stopped for dog food and treats at Chuck and Don's by Lake Calhoun and then bought a loaf of bread at the renowned Rustica Bakery. Imagine me in that lot without my Mercedes. What was I thinking?

If the American League had won the All Star Game and your Twinkies could get a timely hit the World Series would start at Target Field tonight.

Did I ruffle some feathers? Sassy The Assassin is sharpening her teeth.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What's that? A dirt spot? I'm firing the gardener.

On a more hilarious note my knee hurts like a MF (melon farmer) today. But only when I walk so I'm using Ma's old wheelchair. The walls are taking a hit.

When it comes to cycling I'm a hipster and a roadie (I've got a plastic bike, bitch) and a former commuter and I ride on the sidewalks some times like my Mexican brothers.

It's probably some guy who appears in my stats from the College of Saint Catherine's.
So there were no girls at this wedding looking for Mr Right Now?

Tyler, me love you long time...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh sure, when I suggest someone who gets lost in a parking ramp is a doorknob I'm the asshole in the place but anyone else can get away with it.

Ok Vikings fans, it's time to panic.

I'm listed as doubtful for any yard work today.

Black dog let her daddy sleep through the night. Would have been perfect had the feds not been chasing me because of a robbery of some sort. You try fleeing the scene in a semi.

Someone was going to say Hi to me and Mrs on the Greenway last week and then he 'remembered he was a roadie'. (Mrs)

You didn't tell me it was the hot chick on Versus who plays up her cleavage 24/7 that Favre was sending photos of his tractor to!

Mrs can not control me when it comes to buying Halloween candy at Target.

I am but a tiny tiny speck on the time line of this planet.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Fridays - No Huddle Edition

Shut the fuck up! Nobody talks in my huddle except me! I'm not one to cajole you to do shit just because of the weather but today will be in the 60's and this time next week the high temperature will be 19 with wind gust that will bring Burger King wrappers in from Denver.

You'll need to leave work early. You'll need to come back from the bathroom and tell your boss you just vomited and had to stuff your lung back down your throat.

Some of you are home already because of some kind of school conferences. I think it's called MEA and no I don't give a shit what that stands for. If you have small children then you have to entertain them. Tough shit for you, sporty. If you have teenagers off from school then you're home free. It's not your job to entertain them.

We're here to preserve democracy, not to practice it. Scanny and I are available to counsel your teenagers and otherwise scare the B-Jesus out of them.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It really has been some good weather for riding a bike. Warm sunny days and no rain. Just what the doctor ordered.

We've got a new bike boulevard coming on 40th Street. The route has a few too many hills for my knees. Trust me, I know all the ways through my neighborhood that avoid hills.

With the morning escort/coffee stop/bike riding and 3:30 pm escort I only have about 4 hours a day to kill at home.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

No sporty, they don't make shoes like they used to. That's what I get for taking a nap. These were my slip-ons for a quick dog walk out front that gave their life for the cause.

I followed up the 37 minutes on Monday with a beefy hour of yard work yesterday. Thanks for your support.

Sleeping has made me hungry so it is now time to storm the kitchen!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Ok, that was a solid 37 minutes of yard work. I have an electric leaf blower and I need another 5000 feet of cord. I want to plug it in at my house and blow leaves on Lake Street. I don't want a gasoline blower smart guy. Who suggested that? I'm puttin' Sassy The Assassin on your ass and you'll be sleeping with one eye open.

Night came over the city suddenly. Look, I'm a f-ing novelist.

No, I'm pretty sure he's insane.

I'm pretty sure that woman I pissed off when I wouldn't move onto the sidewalk so she could make a right turn will be telling people about it at Thanksgiving. Wound a little tight for Vietnam. Probably wound a little tight for Minneapolis.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Monitoring 7 or so NFL games on Sunday Ticket and the networks. It's almost time for coffee and a piece of chocolate. As mother once said - 'it's not candy, its chocolate'.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

We had a nice lunch for our anniversary at Crave and rode the Dragger today to catch the dwindling fall color. And just about an hour ago I was able to relocate my knee cap back into the proper place. Aww hell sugar, I had a dog who had a brain tumor and never let out so much as a whimper.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Debbie and I have been married 30 years today and I've still got that suit hanging in the basement. We were married at the Dupage County Courthouse at the same time as 2 other couples. Between the marriage license, wedding cake, flowers and 2 buckets of the chicken our wedding cost us about 100 bucks.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

By now the miners are back at work down in the mine. Shirley, you can't be serious.

The new security blankets are cell phones.

Scanny and I threw a baseball around in the alley. We used the ball I caught on a rainy night when the Twins were playing Texas at the Dome. Kirby Puckett hit a foul ball down the right field line and I got after some guy was nice enough to take the sting out of the ball.

My perfect cross course would have no run-ups and very short barriers to jump over and go across the stage of a topless joint and finish by having through a narrow hallway where drill sergeants are hitting the racers with foam rubber thingys.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The miners are coming up from the mine which is good because they had asked for a revolver for Russian Roulette.

BC, our little boy Agent Smith is going to get a tattoo and I can already hear him crying like a little bitch. I once saw a tattoo of a teddy bear blowing his brains out with a shotgun. Very disturbing shit...

Rode my little bike 21 miles this morning. I'm at 3800 for the year with a total goal of 5000 although I'm not going to bust my ass to get it.

Mrs says she never understands why a professional athlete gets married.

Can you hear that? Can't you hear the silence? The black dog is taking a 15 minute nap before she returns to causing chaos.

Brett Favre, he no look so good when he talks to reporters these days.
Chicago Bureau Chief PW submitted these photos. This is Trump Tower where I'm sure a Coke at the bar is only like 7 dollars.
The name change as submitted for the Parade Bike has been considered and rejected. Come on, it's Comiskey Park. If you look closely at Soldier Field you see where the old meets the new which is complete bullshit.

Don't worry kids, the picture of the tree is coming.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

No seriously, is a Mini Cooper what a woman gets when they're headlong into their midlife crisis? I had my midlife crisis when I was 20 and figured out I wouldn't be pitching for the Cubs.

I'm here for you Vikings fans. Come down from that ledge, skippy. The NFC sucks right now including the Super Bowl champs. Eventually, the Vikings will be playing those weak NFC North teams and everything will be ok.

How come those Republicans keep spewing shit that the Stimulus Package failed? I bet those auto workers who kept their jobs would tend to disagree.

I've got a load of towels to wash, lovechunks. Behave yourself.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Oh yeah, your father and I met by trading photos of our genitals on our douchephones...

It was warm in the house so I turned the ac back on and I don't feel bad about it.

I feel your pain, sporty. A couple of years ago the Cubs had the best record in baseball and were dispatched in 3 by the Dodgers. But, when team that finishes 17 games under .500 draws 3 million fans there's really no reason to break the bank with free agents.

I have not had a lot of luck with i-pods so I can't see spending too much to buy one.

Waiting for Scanny. I pumped the football up. Let's see what kind of hands the boy has. I bet you can see me throwing a pass to my neighbors as they get off the bus on 42nd Street. Life is short. Go long.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

A kid from down the block came by in his Boy Scout uniform selling wreaths and other assorted greenery for the holiday season. I asked who his parents were and we know them. His mother was our block captain for a couple of years. Yeah I know, I should probably hold that position. But the kid came by himself and gave his sales pitch. I bought a lot of that crap (pizza, nuts, candy, canned tuna, dryer sheets) when my co-workers brought the catalog to work (I had a job once, douchy) but I liked that this kid was pounding the pavement by himself.

What's the moral of this? Send your kids out to sell their crap and stop bringing that catalog to work to shame your co-workers.

I bought a rather nice centerpiece and may track the kid down to buy a wreath too.

Friday, October 8, 2010


Are you as excited about the tree turning as I am ?

Do you like the new header photo? Would you shake the guy's hand at a party?

I hope the nuns are rolling over in their graves about the way I turned out.

At this time I would like all Vikings fan to get a bag to hyperventilate in to. I like Randy Moss. He's a knucklehead. Got your bags ready? Tom Brady is a better quarterback right now than Brett Favre is. He has been for quite a while. Those championships are hard to argue with. I hope Moss is so happy to be back in the land of milk and honey that he puts out in order to get a contract extension.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Hockey game on in the background while waiting for baseball game to start at 1:30. You know it pal. I don't think they should play 162 baseball games and then have a best of 5 series to start the playoffs.

Randy Moss had to really piss them off in Boston for them to trade him after 4 games. I'm happiest for all those Vikings fans who held onto their $250 Moss jerseys because they can pull them out again. I have a Moss jersey that I bought cheap after he was traded to Oakland.

East Lansing appears in the stats. East Lansing should be at a cheap motel putting up the big numbers. Congrats from the Wroblewski's.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I just found out that Agent Hotchner from Criminal Minds was the guy from Dharma and Greg. That's some repugnant shit. I hope he made a lot of money playing that stroke.
I'm taking a photo of my Sugar Maple every day at 11 am until the leaves have turned and then fallen off.
Come on Twinkie fans, even a blind squirrel gets a nut every now and then. You fall into 2 camps. Those of you who drank the Kool Aid (Stick and Ball Guy) who think the Twins are the '27 Yankees and the chickenshits who are so sure you can't beat the big bad Bronx Bombers.

I had the hot dogs yesterday.

Yeah, I read your tweets and I'm absolutely floored by your wit.

You people all have douchephones. More photos on Facebook and less pontificating about how you had to go to work today or how you're unsure of how fucked up your relationship is.