I have what amounts to about a 40 foot leash for the Assassin. I had to tie a couple of knots that would make a sailor snicker. She likes to go out in the alley and chase her tennis ball and dig shit (literally) out of the snow to eat. Stand down, sporty. Your kids are more disgusting (especially the teenage ones) on a daily basis than any dog.
Speaking of which. If my house is on fire and you're passing by and can tear yourself away from your douchephone then rescue in this order:
1) Mrs but then don't fuck around too long getting to #2
2) Snowy Bear and Sassy
3) The bikes and then have the Wroblewski brothers come get them
4) The jerseys and pick out a nice one for yourself
5) If you have time and don't need a smoke break or coffee then pull my smoldering carcass out. If you think you might get your shoes dirty then the hell with me.