Monday, January 31, 2011

One thing I can say about this dog is that she's a scrounger.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Thor's a Homo

Mrs and I went to see The Fighter instead of Green Hornet in 3D yesterday. The Fighter was great. The previews/coming attractions included a trailer for Thor. After the trailer ended Mrs whispered to me 'Thor's a homo'.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sure, 10 miles and only two breakfasts later here we are at home again. The trails are really mushy which adds to the fun. Tomorrow we go see the Green Hornet in 3D and have popcorn for breakfast.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

In other news, Sassy has to submit court ordered DNA because our ex-neighbor Louise suspects all the piss spots on the snowbank to belong to Sassy. The house next door has been sold but Louise insists in taking legal action before she clears all her shit out of the house. Which leads us to your dog, sporty. Does he/she have a favorite piss spot? Can they spell out their name with a full bladder? All photos of such activity should be sent immediately to

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I made it to 10 miles before Friday and I'll also walk 10,000 steps today so bring on the pastries. I'm riding the Voodoo in case you were wondering which features only one gear and a pair of very spiffy handlebars.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

It was grueling and I did it with only one coffee stop. By the end of the week I'll be shooting for 10 miles.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I rode a bike outside (besides the block I rode Agent Smith's pastel green bike) for the first time since November 19th. No, I don't want my Winter Cyclist's union card back because everybody hates winter cyclists. I rode on bike trails for 3/4 of the grueling 7 miles so as to not cause any undue trauma to the motorists present. Why fuck I even gave some kid a buck near the Lake Street LRT Station when he only asked if I had 50 cents. I told him I hoped he was getting cash together for cigarettes.
The Packers beat the Bears but we still had a helluva season. Fans are pretty fickle. That's why they're baggin' on Jay Cutler today. I like Cutler. He got the shit pounded out of him (56 sacks and a concussion) but still led the Bears to the playoffs.

I am thrilled to announce that Sassy now sleeps through the night and no longer wakes her Daddy up to go pee pee. This development couldn't come at better time as it's January and cold as fuck.

Mrs is going shopping with her co-workers this afternoon in Eden Prairie and I will have to pick her up later. Please pray for me as I navigate the mean streets of South Suburbia. Hold the phone. The shopping trip is now at Rosedale which is better for me. North Suburbia is okay unless you go north of 694 where the sound of dueling banjos is clearly heard.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Chicago Sings Bear Down

The World According To Garp (scorcher scene)


Going to watch one of the coffee clutch guys play hockey at Lake Nokomis. I'll be in the brown parka wearing a pair of choppers and several pairs of pants. It's still like 10 below at 10:30 am but I bet it will warm up to zero by 2.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Mrs is not clamoring to see the new Star Trek I got through Netflix.

I shoveled the end of the alley for the 100th time and I'm a better man for it. Some smart ass biker (The Professor) asked if I was the block captain as he rode by. Maybe I should be the block captain.

That Man v. Food guy has got me jonesing for a huge hamburger.

I'm back on a modified Atkins diet allowing for a nice piece of cake and ice cream for dessert.

The black dog does not care how GD cold it is outside.

Sure I know the guy featured in the article. He's part of the Midtown Coffee Clutch where important shit is talked about every morning. Remember to read the comments. There's never a shortage of slapdicks in today's society.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I've read where they're trying to eliminate the timeless tradition of "spot saving" in Chicago. Is nothing sacred?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My only assigned task today was to take out the garbage which I had a hard time remembering until just a couple of minutes ago. If I get dementia and in addition can't walk because of my knee then push my wheelchair into a topless joint once a week. I dedicate this video to Nancy Reagan who was our President for 6 years.

For Vinny in RoPo...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Unique Thrift Store had a 50% off sale and the people came out of the woodwork. Mrs is in there somewhere.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Fridays flashback

I remember when I had every other Friday off but the memories are fading. Talk amongst yourselves and have a helluva weekend.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

According to Mrs all I do is shovel snow and walk dogs.

I can see you now in your kitchenette motel room. A package of dogs, a package of buns and a small jar of mustard. No wait, the mustard is from fast food restaurants. Your mother would be so proud of you.

Of course the shootings in Arizona are related to political discourse. Blaming those right wing mofos fits neatly into our jumping the gun way of thinking. If you'll notice we're growing more impersonal all the time. What does that have to do with some MF and his Glock in Arizona !?! Sorry, I lost my head momentarily. I'll text you later with an apology l8tr. See how hip I am.

All things considered I'd rather be panhandling on Devon Avenue.

Gotta go shovel.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Back from Rosenberg's. Miss Ella is a stitch. Richfield does an excellent job of plowing. Don't let that go to your head, boy. Let's talk about that trimming rotation...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Someone in the family shook Rahm Emanuel's hand in Chicago yesterday and was on WGN News. Rahm was Obama's Chief Of Staff. Now he's going to run for mayor once the courts sort out his residency shit. I may have asked Rahm about the crawl space. Better than asking Gacy about the crawl space.

Tim Pawlenty will not run for President after finding out that no one has ever heard of Tim Pawlenty or Minnesota. Then he said FLYOVER STATE in a loud voice.

I got up at 430 this morning and caught the end of the Auburn-Oregon game.

The house next door sold.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The little girl killed in Arizona was born on 9/11. What a cruel twist of irony.

Friday, January 7, 2011


Let's hear it for the black dog who held her water from 6 pm Thursday to 4 am Friday.

Mrs is off today so after the 4 am potty break I fed the dogs a heart healthy breakfast. Daddy cooked the breakfast with no hog. Then I went back to bed for a solid hour and a half of sleep. It's a great thing to sleep in till 6 am.

Bus and train to the Mall Of America today to see True Grit or The Fighter. Then we walk and people watch. Life is good because I woke up this morning.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I missed the live reading of the Constitution? Will they be replaying it? Did Tip O'Neil get a turn?
There's a woman who waits for a bus at 39th and Cedar who looks like V when illuminated by the light of her cell phone.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

McDonald's is now making oatmeal and they had a large truck giving out free samples at the hospital yesterday. Of course I got in on the bonanza of free gruel, t-shirt and coupon for more free gruel. This kind of activity should be a twice a week kind of thing. I think these companies can afford it. You act like you don't need the shit and then they give you the shit for free.

Almost everyone knows how much I love dogs. So, if I can forgive Michael Vick for his dog fighting days then I think everyone should. If he fucks up again then we'll water board him, shoot him and and hang him.

I woke up Scanny at his humble abode this morning. The kid was asleep on the couch with the History Channel on and sound turned down. I never apologize for waking you up. You know, I miss that little fucker Bolstad calling in the middle of the night with a snoot full.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A coffee mug like that has no place in today's Navy.

Monday, January 3, 2011

All City Of Richfield management personnel should watch the lewd Navy videos that should lead to a promotion of the ship's commander. Some of you could buy a sense of humor on E-bay.

No, I'm not bitter at the City Of Richfield. Shit, they laid me off and gave me severance money and made me eligible for unemployment. At least a hundred times I told Mrs I was quitting the City but stuck it out.

Happy birthday to my brother Jimmy Boy.

I'm going to start out slow by riding my bike to the front of the house and back. We'll shoot for that on Wednesday.

Did you Vikings fans really believe that reaching the Super Bowl this year was a mere formality?