Saturday, January 31, 2009

For Hurl

After much sleeping and napping I have made it into a quite stylish cycling outfit...Carhartt pants and Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim red alternate jersey which is now leading to an arduous ride to the CRC. I hope to see some of the fresh faced kids racing their alleycat (Stupor Bowl).

I hope to give a full ride report upon my return home but you can bet it will be epic.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Layoff continued

So Duane uncovers this plot to lay both of us off using one of his usual methods. Duane's a sneaky bastard. I've gotta give him credit for that. If it happens (keep your finger crossed that it does) he and I will get 12 weeks severance pay and our health care paid for 6 months. But there's so much more. Additionally we will receive:

1) 1000 shares of preferred stock in Circuit City
2) A pair of the LGR bibs so we too can show off our ass cracks
3) VHS tapes of Tuffy lecturing high school kids about the evils of Geography
4) Snakecrotch's posing mirror - we'll have to flip for it
5) Autographed photos of Hurl face down at One on One
6) Rosenberg's yet to be released recipe book
7) A pint of testosterone straight from the Donimator
8) 10 years at Stillwater or Leavenworth - our choice
9) Home version of The Bachelor
10) 2 hours of stair climbing with Sone and Casper

If you want to throw in 11, 12, 13 etc then go ahead. Try to keep the numbering in the right order but if you want to skip a number that's OK too. If you have nothing to add then the hell with you.

Oh wait:

11) A compact disk of duets by Hans and Franz with Crosby at the piano

Thursday, January 29, 2009

'Maybe they'll give you the old hook today' - Mrs

Duane has uncovered a plot to lay both of us off. More later. Watch out...somebody's coming.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I owe my success to Twitter

It's about that time of the year where I tell you to just post something on your blogs. Don't start out with an explanation about why you haven't posted or how long it's been because nobody really gives a shit.

Rosenberg, you're driving to the Swap Meet in Blaine. I'll pay your way in and buy you coffee. I'll even pop for 2 dollars worth of gas. I could call you with this news but then I'd have to talk to you.

Tuffy's not answering my text messages. I'm now on suicide watch.


As of last night I had ridden a 101 miles this year. No, that does not include the trainer. When I ride the trainer I tee up my i-pod and put a basketball game on and half an hour seems like 3 weeks.

You don't like to read a lot and I don't like to write a lot so we're perfect for each other. Bye.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Day 2 doesn't look better than Day 1

Made it to work a second day in a row. Waiting for Rosenberg to leave his pissy teenager voicemail when I don't answer my cell phone. Most people reach my voicemail. Tuffy knows this. Bolstad leaves the best pissy messages like "Hey slapdick, how about answering the GD phone every once in a while".

No comments allowed today. Rosenberg will just have to leave a jilted prom queen message on my cell phone.

Monday, January 26, 2009

HC Pub Crawl

I'm sure that's Eric (or Erik) but not sure about anybody else. It was great to see so many familiar faces and Lanny (organizer) is a really great guy. Lanny came up to me right away at the Bulldog and told me he was sorry to hear about Ma. I had a great time.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'm hoping it still has the dog hair on it when Black Dog starts.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Friday, January 23, 2009

Discount throwing stars

This might be confiscated at the courthouse weapon's search.

Mother would have approved

I've ridden with the bag on my lap for almost 4 years. One of the nice things about the products is that if anyone has a question about a Banjo Brothers bag they can reach Eric (Erik) or Mike pretty quick and get an answer fast. I e-mailed Chrome three years ago and still haven't heard back. And the bags are sewn by nuns on the picturesque West Side of Chicago, Illinois, where they definitely eat punks like you for lunch. Would you believe the bags are sewn by angry soccer moms currently on parole? Believe.

I'm hardened from arguing with my fellow jurors for three days. All hecklers in the comments section will have their pants pulled down and a new asshole carved out. Love Ray.

I ate lunch on the taxpayers twice. Thanks.

My jury duty has ended. I'm not going to say much about the case because I don't want that vulture from the Star Tribune finding me. I did get to say 'no comment', however. In the end I see that the criminal justice system is one slow moving train. The process of juror selection moves the slowest. The trial moved a little quicker compared to voir dire.

It is nice to have people including the judge standing when you enter the room. The judge was a swell guy with a deep appreciation of our civic duty as jurors. The trial isn't like television. Parts are boring. Some of the witnesses are boring. Most of the evidence is especially boring. Some of the evidence is graphic. The forensic evidence isn't like CSI. Grissom never testifies as an expert witness.

So, you have to sort through the prosecution's dog-and-pony-show to help you decide the case and then be locked up in a room with other people.

Maybe the recent election will broaden the ethnicity of the jury pool. I kinda hope so.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Bush left Obama a private letter in the Oval Office

According to the great Mrs the contents of this letter simply read - 'This job sucks'.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Raw Video: NY Plane Crash Caught on Tape

This is it? Holy shit, is that some compelling video footage! I think Snowy and I could recreate this better in my bathtub. A nation of digital cameras, security cameras and shoe phones and this is what I get?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I gots me a Go To card

I've been escorting Mrs to work via mass transit this week. It's a bus-train-bus type of deal. We catch the first bus at 6:15 am which is a half hour later than when we ride our bikes. I continue on to downtown and have a couple of hours till the trial starts again. Being a juror on this trial is one of the great experiences of my life. So far anyway.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Jury duty is ok. There are plenty of places to eat downtown and the Government Center has a pretty good cafe in the basement. You get enough breaks to people watch in the skyway and the train stops in front of the place. I'm lucky because the City pays me my regular wage as long as I turn in the 10 bucks a day the State pays for jury duty.

Boy, time spent on that trainer sure goes slow. I'm using the trainer to get used to that time trial aero position and to melt away some Christmas cookies. I rode downtown to court once and rode slow and still arrived a sweating mess.

This is a tough winter for bike riding. The best place to ride is the bike trails which goes for summer too most of the time. Main streets have had the shit salted out of them but they are starting to get narrower which means you're riding closer to traffic. If you tell me the side streets in Minneapolis are anything but an absolute struggle I will find you and bitch slap you.

Coffee time.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Jury Duty Thursday

All you need to know is that an officer of the court complimented my penmanship. I thanked the gentleman for his praise and relayed that the nuns promoted good penmanship under duress.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's ok to feel shitty sometimes.
Aah, the legendary Boxhead. Words fall short of adequately describing the way he took over a room.

Back to court today. I'm a little leery that a game worn Shane Churla jersey (Rangers) won't be understood. I would tie down the fight strap in case somebody wanted to start shit.

I'm definitely riding my bike downtown because I like public transportation except for the waiting for buses part. And the bus drivers are such schnookies if they sense you're kind of new at it. I always stick the transfer in the wrong way leading to eye rolling from the driver.

Oh, before I forget...Cheetah Pizza in the North Star building around the corner kinda from the Government Center serves good greasy pizza by the slice.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Jury duty

Here's the group on the train to downtown this morning. They seemed crabby. Well, really crabby. And since I didn't go to high school with any of them my smiling face made them glare even more.
Yep, I know something the rest of them don't.
I took a photo when I got off the train. These folks seemed pretty happy.

Jury duty was ok. I'm on a criminal case so don't fuck with me. I go back on Wednesday so high paid lawyers can ask me what I think about the designated hitter and the prevent defense. More importantly, I spent $13.76 on food and will be bringing my own coffee on Wednesday. Good thing I'm not still drinking or $13.76 wouldn't go very far.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

E-Bay steal

What's the "C" stand for? If you don't know then you're not a baseball fan. Pay Officer Tuffy the appropriate fine as you leave the courtroom.

I'm going to send this picture to my brother Jim in Kansas City. I don't think he understands what winter up here is like. If you live some place that gets snow in the winter and then it melts within a couple of weeks or so then that's not really winter. If you live in Saint Cloud and you revel in the snow that you get to cross country ski in then you're Doom or part of his entourage. It's either that or ice fish.

Friday, January 2, 2009

I rode 5310 miles in 2008. I think I could've ridden more. On a brighter note, I haven't washed my car in over three years.

I start jury duty on Monday and I'm still not sure of a wardrobe for it. Not sure if I'm going to wear a sports jersey or button down shirt and a tie or the mumu. Do I sport a Mohawk or just shave half of my head. I think most of you could lessen the stress in your life if you didn't give a shit about what people think of the clothes you wear.

I may lower myself and eat an apple cuz there ain't shit to eat in the house.

Snowy dog has a grease spot on her head from the plastic bike (carbon fiber?) I have in the living room.

Thursday, January 1, 2009