Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Not Too Tuff Ride

Off the Greenway were some people enjoying a presentation of some kind. I bet they were texting like mad.
Yep it's snow. Doom, can you recommend a wax?
Diggin' the scene with the gangster lean...
There's a man taking a picture of our house.
New Twins Ballpark.

Hennepin County garbage burner which is really close to new Twins ballpark.

It was at this point where some guy offered his opinion that went like 'yeah, there's that stadium that's being jammed down our throats'. Since he obviously wanted a rebuttal I offered 'knock it off. I helped pay for your kids education and they didn't turn out any smarter'.
Back in the hood. No, I didn't tag this guy's garage.

Monday, March 30, 2009

I spent 10 dollars of my allowance money

Off camber Rosenberg and off Broadway for that matter

The kindly gray haired gentleman said he knew Pure Jenius
The professional chef back on the payroll
Oh my God! I didn't think that when we got married that you would actually be moving in with me.

Welcome wagon is one of the best things about being alive.

Schedule pronounced shedd-yule

Mrs has been driven to work in case the weather turns shitty after dinner as Mother would say. Dogs will be walked shortly and then we hit the streets as the brothers would say. Text all coffee meeting requests to 612-867-0314 remembering that it will take me a while to get to South Dakota, Florida (miss you Olive) or Monterrey. Don't be afraid that I'll have your cell phone number. Get over yourself.

Sunday, March 29, 2009


No roadies were hurt in the filming of this ride

15 relaxing miles with Debbie around our hood and coffee stop thrown in. May as well ride the Parade Bike on a nice sunny day.

Friday, March 27, 2009

The Red Lantern visits spring training


Yes, yes, Jesus H Tap Dancin' Christ, yes...you have made it to Friday. 48 hours of weekend is about to be bestowed on you. Don't be a baby about the weather. Go ride your bike. I probably won't but that shouldn't stop you. I'm unemployed so I can wait for warmer weather. So, hunker down for 8 more hours and go check the break room right this minute for what I used to call unclaimed freight.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I though 50 was the new 30 was the new black was the new lime green

I sent this one to a woman friend who's turning 40 today. I guess 40 is a big deal. I got my shoes shined on the Michigan Avenue Bridge in Chicago on my 40th birthday. I didn't stay out late on my birthday that time. I waited till the next day and then stayed out all night.

But anyway, 50 isn't as big a deal as 40 and as long as you remember that clock only stops for one reason you'll be ok with getting older.

Let's move those buns!

I can't find any pictures of me mowing the lawn or I'd post one to inspire you. Yes, the weather is for shit and it's only Thursday so those of you with Monday-Friday jobs still need to survive 2 more days of work which can be bad.

Let's all light a candle today so that Duane gets the job he's interviewing for with the City Of Minneapolis. It's 30 hours a week and pays 5 dollars an hour more so Duane could be sitting pretty. Then I could ride my bike downtown and meet him at Rick's Cabaret for lunch.

Shhhh...quiet...did you hear that? It's something good to eat in the kitchen calling me out like a gunfighter. Have a nice day and use your turn signals.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Stuff a sock in it.

I think you're kinda hung up on the whole unemployment thing so I've started telling people I'm retired. Yeah, see what I mean? There a whole different connotation to "retired". Now you ask yourself...May he's got some money that we don't know about. Hmmmm.

Rode the train between downtown and Mall of America a couple of times because that's what a retired guy does. Plenty of people watching to be had for the low low price of $2.25. Inspected the new Twins ballpark and am now ready for a snack as Pat at the Wienery would say.

No bathroom cleaning scheduled for today because that tile cleaner has chlorine bleach in it and I don't feel like opening windows on a semi-cold day.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

No, your driving is fine

A Metro Transit bus driver was arrested for driving his route while intoxicated. He blew a .24 which is decent but not what I'd call impressive. Let's not give him the keys to a light rail train because he might have too much fun.

Bathroom is now clean and dogs have been walked. Time for a slow speed bike ride.

I have to opt out of the TuffRide because I have souffle' I'm planning for dinner.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Dog walk over

I'm really not all that into writing this thing right now. I'm doing really well and don't know how I fit all these social engagements in and held a job.

If you're riding a bike right now it's windy but then I think you can figure that one out. Oh wait, it's windy on 42nd Street in south Minneapolis. I know what sticklers you are for details.

I've filled out a form online for unemployment two times and now they've mailed me the form. I tried to call but that the least friendly interactive voicemail I've come across in quite a while.

How's your basketball board doing? My national champ is still alive so there's still hope.

Kevin at Freewheel told me the back tire on my tt bike is shot from the trainer and to not ride it on the street. Any suggestions would be appreciated for a low rolling resistance tire that doesn't have to be glued or stapled or some other silly shit like that. I can just e-mail Timmer but I thought I'd seek input from the college of coaches.

Sorry I wrote so much.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Yes Skibby, this is what real athletes do

This one made me go whoa.

Not a terrible first day

Tuffy, as you can see I took a couple of hits the first day (Tubby time my ass) but nothing too terribly bad. This is the board Mrs participates in at the hospital. Winner took home 350 bucks last year and second place was 150 so they get a few participants. I knew Illinois wasn't gonna do shit but I'm still a homer to a certain extent.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Don't judge...she might enjoy the ballet.

Timmer, do you think an aero helmet would help? This photo was stolen without regard for decency from Hans who's in the confessional absolving his language sins during his recent road ride.

Tree school was pretty good. The bees are dieing, bird species are vanishing and our climate is changing quite drastically during a short time period. Other than that, things are pretty hunky dorie.

It's crunch time for your basketball board. I filled out 2 of them and I have Memphis winning one and Pitt winning the other. I'm meeting Big Daddy at Tailgate (60th and Nicollet) at 11:30 to watch some hoops.

We're at the time of the year when I hate any marginally cold weather. I escorted the effervescent Mrs to her place of employment and froze my ass off. Wait, my ass is still there. Have a nice day and watch some basketball or at least watch Jeopardy.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Tree school

The City of Richfield paid for tree school before I was laid off. My name tag had City of Richfield on it. I no longer work for the City. Cat 6 forever.

Someone will ask me about this tomorrow. I will find an axe and chase them to their car.

Monday, March 16, 2009

You are now up to speed

Ok so:

rode with the lovely Mrs yesterday and stopped for sliders and then coffee. If you're not stopping occasionally at Fire Mountain Cafe on 38th and 37th then you're missing out on a really nice Mom and Pop Hippie coffee shop. You can always balance this good ju ju with a stop at Hard Times where evil little shits make you feel privileged to have them wait on you and spend hours on end looking for deeper meaning in that devil music they listen to.

Applied for unemployment this morning online and can't wait for the money to start rolling in. I'm networking and looking for a job as we speak.

A appearance in West Richfield to take in that particular melodrama may be in order this morning.

In honor of the bi-polar mf who writes the Kenwood Racing blog...white sand beaches lingering on my Creamora staring squarely into the teeth of my Rice Krispy I spy a long lean lovely wandering aimlessly through a West Bank flophouse...

Friday, March 13, 2009


Last official day of employment at the City Of Richfield is today. I still get that severance check on April 2nd and my health care is paid till September but today is the last day a payroll card will have my name on it. Monday is the first day a new person will do Duane's payroll job. Good luck and don't mess up or the boys will let you know.

Wall to wall college basketball the next 3 days. And absolutely no phone calls from whiners complaining about one dead branch in a f-ing ash tree. TGIF babes and babies...you made it to Friday.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

At least Bikethrow hasn't layed me off

Conference tournaments for college basketball start in earnest today. That's about all you need to know about today's agenda. Sat in with the Bikethrow podcast crew this morning which was fun. Prospects for a job look tough mainly because I'm not looking too hard.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wednesday is better than Monday

You can do it. Today will go fast. Thursday is like Friday because nobody works on Friday and then the weekend is here. If you can follow that logic then contact a psychiatrist.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Maybe a little

Dear Mrs

Yeah, I need this one too. I'll keep the heat down to 60 and the ac at 78 and I'll sell all my clothes at Turnstyle except for the jerseys and a few pairs of pants.

Love Raymond

Monday, March 9, 2009

Get out of my way!

Mrs rode her bike to work this morning for the first time since Ma died. It was mainly because Minneapolis couldn't afford to declare snow emergencies last December which turned the side streets into shit. The bike in the tree is in front of our homies on 21st Ave. It was a bit chilly for the girl's first day back in the ranks of the commuters. I felt productive providing escort service.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Chuck, could you introduce me to Christie Brinkley?

You never know who you'll run in to these days. I ran in to Chuck Norris at Town Hall and he made me a sweet deal on a Total Gym.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

If I take the 46 bus to...

I went for part of the Hiawatha Cyclery Ride and ditched out at the Riverside LRT Station. I only went because Patrick from South Dakota showed up and I wanted to meet him. I'm just not into organized activities right now. I like to ride my bike but Mrs is about the only person I want to ride with. I'm thinking of meeting the Cat 6 Mustache Ride group in Saint Paul by taking the bus. Sure, it's different but part of me doesn't feel like getting all sweated up and then getting cold. I love public transportation. I love taking public transportation (not with Mrs) through the shittiest parts of any city. Better check out my bus schedule for tonight's festivities.

Friday, March 6, 2009

PW, would you rather have us pay off the parking tickets as a wedding present?

You almost go blind looking at the damn thing.

Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo...


To be quite Frank, Mrs is not impressed with my mustache. The Mustache Ride is tomorrow and we line up for a 40 yard field goal on Sunday. It sounds like Drew is organizing the festivities for Stache Bashe '09 so I'm sure there will be a few new wrinkles in the program.

I hear the destination in Saint Paul is Great Waters Brewing Company where most of the boys and girls which eschew a handcrafted lager in favor of a PBR. I don't go to Saint Paul very often unless Highland just across the river is considered Saint Paul. I prefer to think of Highland as the Stay-at-home-moms ghetto with a few college kids mixed in.

Where was I? Beats the shit out of me. Oh yeah...the Mustache Ride. Hopefully we'll see you tomorrow at Freewheel on the picturesque West Bank at 4:45 pm for more fun than a person should have and the possibility of winning some really cheesy schwag for winning the mustache contest. Don't worry, if you don't have a mustache we'll stop at Saint Paul convenience store between robberies for fakies.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I don't think you could if you wanted to

I've driven Mrs to work all winter. Minneapolis stopped plowing the sidestreets so they turned to shit in like December. There was a 3 week stretch when I was on jury duty that we took public transportation together every morning. Soon, I will be escorting her by bike again. Driving in the morning has shown how much of a rush people are in. You've always got some jerk riding your ass. People are in a rush because they don't allow enough time so that they don't have to rush. Rushing causes stress. Stress causes physical ailments. Biking to work does not create stress unless some pinhead in a car pisses you off.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Classic Movie Line #4

I really need a work from home job so I can keep up with the kids on Twitter. So, today is Wednesday? No shit? And pay day is tomorrow! I could've gone to work for two more weeks but I chose to not go and still get paid. I guess I'm not a team player.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

So, where are these naughty pictures of Rachel Ray?

Mrs has been dropped off at work and we have eaten a nutritious breakfast. West Richfield hasn't sent up the distress call so I have some quiet time. I will arrive at Hiawatha Cyclery at the same time they open to pick up the clown bike which has been there a little over 2 weeks. I do not plan to look for a job today.

Monday, March 2, 2009


In the end it was sad to pack up my shit and leave. I was summoned to City Hall about 10 o'clock and got the news from my boss, his boss and one of my buddies from the HR Department. I'm glad she was there. She sent me a card when Ma died. I told them to cut the bullshit and get to the point. I also took a phone call from Rosenberg. Honestly Hurl...

I rode my bike home and went back with the car and several trash bags for all the clothes and hats and crap and left about the same time the boys left at 3:30.

The forester has left the building. Props to my homeboy Duane who left right from City Hall and abandoned all of his personal shit. That was a bold move.

It's only sad that I won't see the boys on a daily basis. I sure won't miss the paperwork.

Smithers, I choose the gas station at 56th and Xerxes as my lunch spot.

It's only Black Monday if they don't lay me off

Today is the day Duane and I find out if we get laid off. If in the rare event I don't get laid off I'm gonna go out and spend money like there was no tomorrow. Getting laid off from the City pales in comparison to battling the depths of alcoholism.

Son, I need one place on the internet free of your virus. You have friended and de-friended one of the all-time great dogs two times and the last time you were a bit of a prick about it. Seek counselling or drink more.

That's pretty much it for now. No, you can't comment. Go somewhere else and pick apart every f-ing word someone else writes.

Love Ray

Sunday, March 1, 2009

For my brothers

You know, I hope some crazy bastard stops by my grave with half-eaten donuts and cups of gas station cappuccino. I thinks Ma's social worker got her the tv and it's been in my trunk since we cleaned out Ma's stuff at the nursing home. I think I'll keep it.

Ma, You Crazy

I'd like to have a talented tattoo artist put Ma's photo on my right arm. I've got a devilish smile just like Ma's. This photo above all show what a good sport Ma was concerning her son. How about a Cat 6 t-shirt with this photo and "If Ma be for us then who be against us?"

I've ridden 451 miles this year so far in two months. Not bad for a pretty cold winter with a 3 week jury duty obligation thrown in.