Friday, April 30, 2010

I'm sorry Pam. I hope you still love me.

As Snakecrotch says - 'Click for big'. I know of a very large man who's rough and tough and a momma's boy who will love this one.


This is some sprocket or pulley (part of drivetrain, snookie) or something off my old Trek 7500 that I rode for 11 or 12 thousand miles. I guess if I had slathered some Crisco on it occasionally it would have lasted longer. Do you see my ninja in the background? She could hit you with this throwing star from 100 yards if she wanted to.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Some guy didn't stop for me at the Greenway crossing on the street that turns into Minnehaha Avenue which is par for the course. But he had to give me the finger too. I chased him down at the light where Pearsons used to be which is 26th Street, I believe. He rolled the passenger's window down for an exchange which ended with FU's. I need to stop doing that because I'd be the one who ends up in jail.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I was issued one task for today. Pick up some kitchen trash bags. I had to go to Petsmart anyway so I snuck across the border to the Bloomington Sams Club. Yeah, I go to Sams Club and Wal Mart. Report me to the MPR Liberals if it will make you feel better.

After shopping for everything but the trash bags I called Mrs to see if there was anything else she could think of. I mentioned to her that I'm no better than the legions of schmucks who can't buy a f-ing tube of toothpaste without calling the old lady.

I should have been waterboarded, pistol-whipped and then forced to watch the latest J-Lo movie as punishment. It won't happen again.
Ditching the Voodoo in my alley this morning while f-ing around makes me think of all the other bikes and their crashes...

Rollo the clown bike: Most memorable is the time it slid out from under me on a muddy sidewalk on Hiawatha and 38th. Think of a watermelon seed squirting out of your fingers.

Los/Las Cruces: I took it to Wisconsin and dumped it on a gravel shoulder when I moved over on Highway G to give a car some room. A beefy cross wind pushed me over some more and I ate shit on some loose gravel. It's ok, I made it to Eagle River and rode it another 50 miles on a broken spoke.

Black Crosscheck: I hit the fence on Minnehaha Pkwy and Bloomington on my way home from some guy's going away party. I knew those last five drinks were no gouda. This was the Wednesday before Memorial Day about 2 weeks before I decided to go to treatment. I have my treatment graduation medallion on my key chain. My buddy said he did that the first time but now his medallions would be like a roll of quarters.

I've never ditched the Parade Bike, 1 x 1 or plastic bike or Kogswell but 4 out of 8 is better than what they used to pay Allen Iverson for.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Hold the olives

I have no interest in meeting aliens from far off galaxies. Stay where you're at, we've f-ed up the ecology of this planet by ourselves and don't need any of your help to finish the job.

I took it out of granny and stepped on the gas a little this morning after escort. It's not a big deal. I just want to wear those size 38 Nautica shorts I paid 70 bucks for some day.

The purse has been purchased along with a pair of sensible shoes.

Thirty-four years ago as a high school senior I was asked what I'd like to be doing in 10 years. My answer was a simple one. I said - 'Living'.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Yesterday's vet visit was about what I expected. I think my pet name for Sassy will now be JYD as in Junk Yard Dog.

The smells of Old Spice, Ben Gay and Viagra were strong in the air as I rolled past the Flanders Gentleman's Ride.

There's a purse at Macy's and the whole weekend revolves around it.

You ever have somebody who's always telling you what's wrong with your life even though their life is a f-ing disaster?

Tell the black guy on Birchwood to go on Ebay and buy a sense of humor. Hollywood may have a spare one at his shop.

I'm really disappointed in the way your lawn has come out of last winter. It would be really nice if you were to spend a minimum of 10 hours this weekend working to get it in shape.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

FAU WKU Rain Delay Theatre.mp4

I find the kid deliciously quirky and pretty cool in spite of all the roadies he hangs out with. I still need to take him with me on the bus. Public transportation builds more character than any Ivy League school ever did.

The Voodoo has been getting a lot of air play recently. I want to add a pair of navy blue fenders to it. Mrs says every bike should have fenders, a kickstand and it's own set of lights. So there.

Both dogs go to the vet today for their yearly pap smear. I really don't look forward to this.

Try your hardest to come up with some witty stuff when teasing people. You're not funny when you turn around a couple of words someone says and then stand there like a proud fucking peacock. Example: Your co-worker say he's worked there for 10 years. You then make some ass-holish comment about how he shows up and what he does couldn't be considered "work".

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm e-mailing Swobo to see if there's a warranty on these gloves. It's better than when she lays on the bed and chews on the sheets.

Monday, April 19, 2010

You want a link to your blog or organizational type thing? Just send the url (not H-u-r-l) to and I'll throw that bad boy up in the links section. You don't have to link back to me. I could care less.

Hawks series is tied at a game a piece. Cubs and Sox suck right now and Derrick Rose is learning the hard way from King James. How's that for a Chicago sports wrap?

Our lawn got raked and mowed yesterday by a nice young man who owed me money. I like when my neighbors see that kind of shit.

Here are some resume' no-no's. You also might not want to discuss your porn collection or collection of crack pipes. You betcha, I'm a fucking team player.

Mrs and I were in our jammies all day yesterday. Sure I went outside. My neighbors have seen my entire jammie wardrobe. I even rode Mr Flood's Craig's List treasure around the block when he brought it over to show me.

Enough of this crapola. Time for a snack.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I have returned the classic to the links list. Enjoy.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I stole this off Twitter. I think whoever does the One On One twittering was sending it to Klauck at the Angry Guppy. I guess part of the frame is cracked and the guy/gal wired the bitch up. Let's pretend my assumption is correct. This is how every bicycle ever made should end up. Ridden to death and then a little further.

Friday, April 16, 2010


Hey fuck off, I took a picture of the Boy King when I was at the Twins game on Wednesday. I also ran into Jim Redmond who is a big baseball fan and like many of us came from someplace where we had outdoor baseball. I endured 28 seasons at the Dome and am loving the shit out of Target Field.

The first time you go to a Twins game just buy the cheapest ticket you can and walk around to get the full flavor of the place and check out all the views from the concourses. And ride your bike there until Metro Transit gets their act together.

Like you've got a dog who's growing like a weed that just did loops around the living room/dining room/kitchen at 25 mph.

One spritz of Tommy Bahama cologne does not constitute bathing in the shit for your information, slappy.

Holy crapola, let cut this drivel short right here. Have a good weekend. See you at the Midtown Bike Center Craft Fair Saturday from 10 to 4.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

He told me his Flanders clown suit was in the wash.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

This is Aaron. He's trying hard to be a bike racer. He got a sprint point last night at Opus. He makes a damn good cup of coffee and he's a made guy. His mentor is Mr Brian Crosby who I introduced Aaron to on a chance meeting on the Washington Avenue bike bridge. I'm from Chicago. We introduce people to one another whenever we can. Be nice to Aaron. Go up to him and introduce yourself at bike races.

The introduction may go something like: Hi, my name is Jim Cullen, I have a large collection of cable knit sweaters from the Bill Cosby Collection.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

So the Catholic Church still wants me to refrain from eating meat on Fridays during lent. Wow, that's harsh.
Snowy Bears favorite.

Met with the guy who got my job at the City. Really nice kid. We had coffee and a light pastry. Read about it on TMZ.

A dog woke me up last night at 11:30 to go outside and then murdered a pillow when she came back in.

Two noon start baseball games today so no ridey Clown Bike to the HC to have the studdeds changed.

Mrs and I have tickets to tomorrow's Twins game. She says she'll buy me a 12 dollar hamburger and a 100 dollar sweatshirt.

I'd ride to Opus to watch racing but:
Opus avoidance reason #1 - A dog ate my pillow and we'll be having a memorial for it this evening.

Monday, April 12, 2010

So, I watched the bike racing on the Fishing Channel until the ballroom dancing show Mrs was waiting for came on.

Unreturned texts and e-mails will land you on probation. Johnny Boy, I didn't return the Polish flag email because we both understand the sorrow of the plane crash in Poland.

Checking out bus routes to Opus. I didn't say I was going, now did I?

Opening Day at Target Field. So when I ridiculed the Metrodome and you Minnesotans always told me - 'The dome isn't so bad' - you were lying. Now you're going to tear the Dome a new asshole and act like you invented the concept of outdoor baseball.

I'm pretty damn excited about the NHL playoffs.

It's dog walk time, scooter. Have a good day.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010


Yeah, well let's see you get dressed while a dog is trying to take your sock away as you're putting it on.

On the crazy scale I'm one step below those guys you see on the West Bank who are scribbling and doodling shit into a notebook.

I hear a dog in the other room chewing on a throw rug.

I was cold on the last two escorts this week.

A dog wakes me up at 3 o'clock in the morning to go outside. I wear a pair of Belechicked Zubaz Chicago Bears lounge pants when we walk down 42nd Street.

I'm not talking about dance lessons, I'm talking about throwing a brick through the other guy's windshield.

My brother Jim works here on Sundays. He sent us a box of goodies including some loose tea for my birthday as well as a crisp fifty, sporty. Some of the tea is pretty good but some is akin to boiling your sweat socks and drinking that liquid. Of course that's the tea that's really good for you and puts lead in your pencil. Got it sizzlechest?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

While escorting Mrs home from the hospital we saw The Crack of Minneapolis bike racing on Minnehaha Avenue wearing part of a GP clown suit. Traitor piece of shit!

I believe I saw the Poofter on 42nd Street in a 2 back Cat 6 clown suit. Yellow bike, scrawny MF...yep it had to be the Portland Poofter on his way to the Cat 6 Wednesday Night Ride. Of course he couldn't yell hello. Drew has a strict set of rules for all Wednesday Night Rides and The Poofter didn't want to be late.

I love you Drew but remember, an alcoholic drinks beer at the end of his cycle because to him drinking beer isn't really drinking.
I've got a shiny quarter for anyone who will ride my Rollo that currently has studded tires on it to Hiawatha Cyclery so they can put different tires on it. If you ride it back here I'll throw in a sticker.

Jersey Of The Week

I've haven't been really good about keeping up with the Jersey Of The Week but I just won this one on Ebay and had to show it off to Special Agent Tuffy. This is a 1982 Vancouver Canucks jersey which makes every list of worst sports uniforms ever. It was revolutionary and still better than that hockey stick in rink logo the Canucks have used off and on. I'd like to meet the 8 year old who designed that turkey.
Live in the moment and appreciate your life. You think all those people went to the World Trade Center thinking they were going to die that day?

Friday, April 2, 2010

Unfortunately, everyone in the fire at the old Poodle Club didn't get out alive. When Mrs and I think of the Poodle we always remember all the friends and family we had fun with there. I even took Ma there on Christmas Day once. Never underestimate an alcoholic's ability to find booze. Now, I'll always remember the fire on my birthday, too.


Happy birthday to me. Some parts of my body feel like 90 but I'm still a 12 year old in my heart. They burned down the old Poodle Club (now McMahon's) to celebrate my birthday. We could buy you a really nice bike with the money I spent at the Poodle. A neighbor of the bar told me the fireman brought out someone and was working to revive them. I hope they're ok.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I would have hit the little fucker with a shovel. I know a couple of guys in Richfield who could use a thorazine milkshake.
Does your bible school education exclude you from a baseball bat fight out in your front yard?