TBeing on the field was the really cool part of the tour. I haven't been that excited since I danced on the bar at Touche'.

Fridays

I would strongly recommend that any die hard Twins fan take the Target Field tour which costs 15 dollars. You really get your money's worth. This is me and my nephew Paul in the visitor's dugout.

Jackhammer was described in one Chicago online publication as a gay bar without the Boystown attitude. Hmmmm?

Nephew is in town from Chicago for a business meeting that happened yesterday in Mankato. The client was wined and dined at an elegant truck stop diner. Today we have a Target Field tour on tap and a brief lesson in riding a fixed gear bicycle. He's taking the Parade Bike home with him and the X Files bike (lime green 1x1) for his brother. Well, that blows the shit out of your plans to offer Mrs 100 bucks for either of them following my death at the hands of a drug cartel.

Flannery Automotive calls every so often with a new estimate on the car. So far we're up to like 8 hundo after fixing the gas filler tube which only leaked when you filled the tank all the way. New fan motor, oil change, new battery, new plug wires...you get the picture.

Hot dog for breakfast on a stale-Debbie-hot-dog-bun and some soggy chips. That's right, I know how to live.

I want a gun (not really). I want to carry it when I ride my bike and shoot at cars. I want to shoot it up in the air and at cans and mailboxes and other assorted items (You'll shoot yer eye out). I want it because I want it (But not as much as a Tampa Bay Rays jersey). I could give 2 shits that the Constitution (my father landed at Utah Beach on D Day) gives me the 'Right To Bear Arms'. Stop quoting a document written by old white guys who knew you needed a piece because you lived in the f-ing wilderness and that you never knew when the British were coming and you would need to bust a cap in some fool's ass.

It's rainin' men

You bet your fat ass that I am loved. Let me be blunt. That Brooks saddle and Honjo fenders go with the bike.

All through attempting to entertain you bitches. The first thing about Fight Club is...

Nephew from Chicago is in town on business. Re-set the egg roll record at Cleveland Wok. Short trip to Grand Performance where they are only semi-douchey. When I can go up the hill on 42nd with only one hand on the bars in a casual manner I know I am in summer chunky condition like Prince Fielder.

Take a breath cuz we're not done. Car is at Flannery's getting some work done which is good because when we need it we need it. Can there be a better name for a gay bar than Jackhammer? That was rhetorical. Obviously, if you work at the hospital and wear a smock then you should dress in as whorish a manner when coming/going to work.

My Cubs Zambrano jersey usually draws some commentary. The best way to deal with a Minnesotan who thinks they are being witty is to tell them to Fuck Off.

Fridays

I love it when people who whine on and on about a f-ing head cold casually tell me to just get a knee replacement.

Shoot me up, baby!

I saw my knee doctor yesterday. Same old same old. Updated x-rays show bone on bone on the outside of my knee. The last cortisone shot was in October '08 and it lasted almost 2 years. I had another injection yesterday. He says when the cortisone stops working and I can't walk and can't sleep we'll have to consider a replacement. I can wait. Mrs says I have a high tolerance of pain. Yeah, but one insect landing on me rains out my whole parade.

Junior and Senior - 2010 Colorado Rockies Commercial

This is my brother Johnny Boy. He is 'on the bench'. Someone will be picking him up soon. He will not leave the bench for any reason except to get in the vehicle that is to pick him up. He is ready. You will not have to honk the horn for him to get his ass out of the house. He will not text you 10 minutes before pick-up time saying he is running a little late. He is ready. He was brought up to be ready and on the bench.

Fridays - Saturday Morning Edition

I have a young friend who wants to borrow a bike for a triathlon tomorrow. The Black Crosscheck has 2 gears and an air horn. Perfect.

Mrs and I saw Inception yesterday (no popcorn tricks) and we loved it. As the critics say, it is visually stimulating.

The Tour De France sprinter disqualified for head butting should have been left in the race. However, he should have been forced to ride the Clown Bike for the entire next day's stage.

You people who live in Northeast should patronize the hole-in-the-wall flower shop on 28th or 29th and Central. The guy who own the place looks like he sleeps under a bridge but the prices are cheap.

Steve Jobs said yesterday that the Douchephone 4 was never meant to make phone calls and that you should refrain from human contact whenever possible.

Presenting The MCF President's Enforcer

53 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal. Nuclear speed and the jaws of death. A talent like this comes along once a millennium.

That's my Godchild in the helmet. If I would have been there I would have ordered the left side of the menu and washed it down with a Diet Pepsi.

Master Cullen brings cycling to the world!

My favorite thing about these articles are the comments. The one thing I know about cutting trees down for a living is that I wouldn't want to do it.

And you thought Jordan had a huge ego...

Two high school graduations to attend this weekend. I stay until I see an insect. Then, it's time to go.

I've never been all that fond of the Miami Heat's uniforms.

I have located routes through my neighborhood that don't involve inclines. Knee hurts more riding uphill and walking downhill. Maybe my dentist has some cortisone lying around.

One week till the movie Inception opens. I'm piss my pants excited about it.

I need to check out Twitter to see what the College of Coaches (don't worry Tuffy, you're in there) thinks about the Tour Day France and the coming sprint.

Happy Birthday to my Sassy girl

My little monster snuck in behind her big white fluffball for some cuddling on her first birthday.

My knee has hurt kinda bad the last couple of days. I made a hipster on the Greenway earn his keep last Thursday which didn't help the sitchu. Hell homeboy, it'll rust off before it wears off. Maybe Sassy's vet can give me a shot of cortisone and a dog treat.

Nobody gets the Clown Bike. Nobody.

Sassy had me out for a walk at 3 am this morning. How bout I light some fireworks when we go out to let the neighborhood pyrotechnicians know that any idiot can blow shit up on the 4th of July. Air horn?

Go shuffle some papers. It's nap time.

I dropped Mrs off at the hospital (you know, where she works) with the Dragger (tandem, getting tired of having to explain the f-ing lingo to you) and it was a blast.

I had room for a passenger but all the regular bums on the Greenway passed on the ride of a lifetime.

We're going for pizza after she gets off work and then I'll take her on one of my patented alley rides.

Now go back to work and tell all your co-workers how crucial you are to the operation.