Once the baseball starts I'm not worth a shit and pretty worthless before the baseball starts.

With the zoo closed if there's a shutdown I guess Lickity Split is the only other option.

Sure it's hot and I'm going to ride between the shady spots on the way to pick up Mrs.

How mechanically inclined am I? Well I did change the vacuum cleaner bag today.

I see them on the way to work busting their ass (cars and bikes) but I really don't have much compassion for them.

No I'm not happy that Blagojevich is going to prison. Shit, we've had bigger crooks with less interesting hair styles.

Son, if there was anything that might get me to ride a bus for 12 hours with recent parolees and foreign exchange students it might be this.

In honor of a poor bastard with house guests coming I followed the Greenway to the Kenilworth Trail to the Cedar Lake Trail exiting by the Federal Reserve and through downtown and home after coffee concluded this morning.

I think a lot of people get jammed up on the street when they're riding because they don't turn to look what going on behind them.

I mowed the grass and now I feel so much better. I even did a little weeding around the tomato plants. Who's the man?

In the true spirit of Minnesota this last weekend we rode our bikes to Des Moines just to pick up the paper. We also repainted all of the rooms in our house and remodeled the bathroom. We caught several garage bands at the Triple Rock and still had time to do a triathlon.

Actually, Saturday was great. In the evening Mrs informed me that she was going to put her jammies on. I said 'me too' and then realized I already had them on.

Fridays

Don't hold me to it but after watching the pilot of Falling Skies and the movie Skyline I may have had my fill of alien invasion movies. At least until Cowboys and Aliens comes out in July.

I had to unfollow a guy on Twitter who thought he knew more about basketball than me. That shit don't fly, homeboy.

Mrs escapes at 1:15 today. Do you see what they make you give? I don't think you do.

Kahn The Merciless drafted the guy everybody told him to draft and played it close to the vest. He should keep his resume' updated.

As it has stopped raining everyone is going to mow their and by everyone I mean every swingin' dick.

I just heard that Cleveland offered a set of steak knives for Ricky Rubio.

Dancing Merengue Dog

The dog should be on their money. She has better footwork than all of the big men the Wolves have ever drafted.

Stay seated although I deserve a warm round of applause for riding 17 miles this morning. While you have your hands together let's hear it for the Assassin who was left to roam the house to serve and protect while I was gone without chewing the piss out of my new recliner.

I dropped Mrs off with the car because all the weathermen predicted rain and at 5 am (you were still having nightmares about guys from Chicago saying hello) it damn sure looked like rain.

And let's hear it for the Donut guy who always has great computer advice. The Hitman helped a lot. Should I buy it?

So You Think You Can Dance is probably on tonight. Somebody take my shoelaces away.

I mowed my lawn so now it can rain.

If it is raining at 3 pm I will drive the car and pick up Mrs and her bike. The first drop that hits you is God's fault...

Belated Fathers Day to all the mailmen out there.

The ballpark photos are from Ermisch's legendary Memorial Day weekend when he and a buddy attended MLB games in Kansas City, St Louis, Chicago and Cincinnati. Bully!

The valet at the W Hotel told me that people who travel all the time are usually shitty tippers. You can enjoy the shit out of the cabin but I like when the doorman at a Chicago hotel waves a cab up so I don't have to walk 20 feet and then opens the door of the cab for me.

Fridays -

May as well start here. Brett missed a lot of games and still got 3000 hits.

Young teenage Canucks fan on Chicago Blackhawks Facebook page:

as a canucks fan. I really didn't care. I know you guys hate us. yes there is a stupid riot happening in vancouver. Though don't hate on all of vancouver. There are fans there who are classless and some who are not. That did nothing to deserve hate from other team. If you ever been to vancouver . It's a great city .. it really is. Though there are 2 cities who just don't live up to the nice parts about it like surrey or east hastings.

Blackhawks fan's reply: bullshit...you guys BOMBARDED our page so suck it kid....all the classless fans just ruined it for the classy ones. as far as im concerned all you guys are assholes. sorry i feel that way dude i really am...

Whole Foods Parking Lot [HD]

For my nephews. Love you.

Sure my knee hurts like a MF because I had to blow some little girl's (20 something) doors off. I smile and wave to every single person I pass on the bike trail. Fuck the smug bitch.

Fridays

Sober 6 years today. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

Red, I think I need a break from those tweakers in the morning. You know, somewhere where the attention span is longer than 6 seconds.

Gingrich's campaign is falling apart and Mr Personality (Pawlenty) is going to reap the benefits. Who said anything about a flyover state with a huge inferiority complex?

I may not subject Mrs to that bicycling crowd at Skibby's Going Away Party.

Of course it's a Democrat sending photos of his c*ck around. Republicans send photos of Uncle Ronny in the hopes that the girls will throw him a pity fck.

Thank you for serving your country in the military, Sgt. Campo. I'm sorry it cost you your life.

No roadies were harmed on Bike To Work Day

The Banjo boys saved me a donut which was extra delicious and very much needed after waffles at Midtown and a muffin from the Balance Fitness people who had a spot at Lyndale and the Greenway. Gene-O gave me a One On One coffee mug and Little Stevie from Freewheel West Bank let me fondle his cardigan sweater that would have made Ward Cleaver proud.

Would you wear that shoe?

Ma never shied away from a confrontation if she thought you were trying to cheat her.

In November of 2002 Ma pre-arranged her burial stuff which included a casket made of egg cartons, a cemetery plot and a grave marker. Her social worker from the County went with Ma on this. She was another one you better not mess with.

Ma died at 11;30 am on December 6, 2008. She was buried at Saint Mary's Cemetery a couple days later. No wake and I paid the 200 bucks for the graveside service. I wanted to be there. It was cold and I told the spiritual advisor from the hospice (Father Pat, wink, wink) to show up with a stocking cap on or one would be issued.

But...Ma's grave marker still hasn't had the year of death engraved on it and being the procrastinating bastard that I am it took me over two years to investigate.

I stopped by the funeral home in April of this year and the nice girl at the desk pulled their file and then wrote down my name and number and told me she would investigate.

Last week I stopped by the funeral home again to see if the gal was making any headway and she wasn't there but there were two guys who looked like morticians which they were. Same story, write my shit down and tell me they were on the case.

Last Saturday we received a letter from the cemetery saying they would assist us on the matter for the low low price of $150.

I dug through the funeral paperwork yet again to find that Ma had purchased the headstone through the cemetery.

Enter the dragon. At Mrs request I relinquish the matter to her. I'm just not as diplomatic with slapdicks as I used to be.

Mrs calls the cemetery and the woman eventually says in a quite snippy tone: 'Well if you have the paperwork'.

The engraving will be done or I'll just take care of the headstone myself with some glue and macaroni shells. You really need to spray paint the macaroni shells gold before you put "2008" on the headstone.

Mrs heard the thunder this morning and assumed it was raining so she elected to stay in bed till 5:03 am. Talk about sleeping in. So, I drove her to work which is just as good because it's f-ing hot out there and will be even worse by 3 pm.

I dumped off the car and took the train to my biweekly breakfast with the Plumber. We've done Keys a couple of times and I even got to take the train with my old buddy Sickboy. In case you're scoring at home I had an omelet and the Plumber had pancakes and sausage with an over easy egg which the cook apparently didn't commit yolk murder.

I'm critiquing Craigs List bikes for one of my friends and one thing is clear. These people think their shitty used bikes are worth real money.

Fridays

I was having trouble with Firefox and Internet Explorer was slower than shit so I tried Opera which was pretty good for 12 hours before it turned to total dogshit. There's something in there that Webroot and Malwarebytes and SuperAntiSpyware don't find and eliminate but it's beyond my minimal computer knowledge.

Don't worry Twinkies fans, there's still 35 more games with the Royals on the schedule. Here's the stats of a pitcher who was almost as good as Francisco Liriano.


I planted wildflower seeds in some of the bald spots in our lawn. Not sure if those are wildflowers coming up or just weeds.

I escorted and I took the Assassin for her walk and I watered the flowers and soon I will start a load of laundry and then it's time for baseball. Smile every once and a while someone will think you're alive.