Layoff continued

So Duane uncovers this plot to lay both of us off using one of his usual methods. Duane's a sneaky bastard. I've gotta give him credit for that. If it happens (keep your finger crossed that it does) he and I will get 12 weeks severance pay and our health care paid for 6 months. But there's so much more. Additionally we will receive:

1) 1000 shares of preferred stock in Circuit City
2) A pair of the LGR bibs so we too can show off our ass cracks
3) VHS tapes of Tuffy lecturing high school kids about the evils of Geography
4) Snakecrotch's posing mirror - we'll have to flip for it
5) Autographed photos of Hurl face down at One on One
6) Rosenberg's yet to be released recipe book
7) A pint of testosterone straight from the Donimator
8) 10 years at Stillwater or Leavenworth - our choice
9) Home version of The Bachelor
10) 2 hours of stair climbing with Sone and Casper

If you want to throw in 11, 12, 13 etc then go ahead. Try to keep the numbering in the right order but if you want to skip a number that's OK too. If you have nothing to add then the hell with you.

Oh wait:

11) A compact disk of duets by Hans and Franz with Crosby at the piano