Some day you'll realize I don't give a fuck

I know, it's just a bike...

No, it's ok that you guys took one of the iconic bikes of this life and chopped it up for parts. I'll consult my two trusted advisors (Our accountant Red and family consiglierie Snakecrotch) about whether you should be removed from the will.

Inspector Luger

Have you seen me with the Stanley Cup? It was a big deal for me.

I can't find Snakecroth's new blog and I need to read about his pursuit of a yeti. That, and all his stories about bangin' cocktail waitresses, two at a time.

Why haven't I been blogging? Cuz I'm as lazy as the day is long.

Does Walter White have a douchephone? Fuck no, he has a flip phone so get over yourself and stop showing me pictures of kids. Pictures of dogs are always ok. By the by, I myself purchased a new flip phone from Best Buy. The kid had to dig deep in the storeroom.

I look like an idjit riding a tandem with nobody on the back but you look perfectly natural walking down the street staring at a fucking cell phone. You can't do that too much in Chicago because some motherfucker will hit you in the head with a brick and take it away.

I enjoyed a solid 10 minutes of yard work this morning.

A half hearted attempt is underway to ride 3371 miles this year so I can eclipse my recent low total from 2011 when I got my new recliner.

Is it too early to start talking about Almonzo?

Fuck you, nobody likes you anyway

Mrs and I saw the Lone Ranger over the weekend and we liked it. No chipper, this isn't the Blues Brothers, Up In Smoke or The Big Lebowski that multiple viewings will be required. It's a movie. It cost 12 bucks for the two of us at one of the AARP (anything before 11 am) showings. Usually, we're the youngest people in the theater at 9:30 am.

Everything in this life isn't a fucking epic event, sizzlechest.

No, I didn't shoot it!

Happy Fathers Day

And Happy Mothers Day to my Jewish mother

Happy Mothers Day!!

Very good but not really safe for the office.

Play this for your teenage children. This is how you swear.

That's my neighbor down the blocks truck underneath that tree limb. They hate each other which add to the intrigue. We had another 3 or 4 inches of snow in Minneapolis which is no big deal. What the hell, it's still April.

Mrs was off yesterday and we did the grocery shopping at Target. Saw one of the bosses from the City of Richfield and chatted him up. He could retire but said he wouldn't know what to do with himself. To each his own. You're probably like that, aren't you sporty?

I have a jersey I bought on Ebay that was mailed almost 3 weeks ago and is adrift in the Postal System and nobody at the Post Office gives a rusty fuck, least of which is our mailman. That ok. That prick can see me through the window every day when he trudges through his route. He's got a Groundhog Day of immense proportions going.

Tom Boerwinkle - RIP

I didn't know Tom had died until I did a little research. We should have won a championship with that team.

I wasn't aware that it snowed in Minnesota in April

Double nickels, beeotch!

Let's hear it first for Uncle Paul who came through with the Sun Times yet again. You motherfuckers aren't going to think you're so cute when I leave my half of the money to him. He also enclosed a box of Girl Scout cookies that I'm sure were bought under duress. Thanks again, Uncle Paul. You're a mensch of the highest order.

Turned 55 yesterday. Hold the applause, please.

 

This is my birthday present that I picked out for my birthday. It's a game issued Penguins jersey that I bought from a jersey dealer in Pittsburgh who is also a mortician. Can't beat that shit. Game issued means they prepared it for the guy but for some reason he never used it.

 

 

I turned 55 yesterday. I can draw my City pension at 55. According to the letter my retirement association sent me: 'The effective date of your benefit will be 05/01/2013. PERA will pay you an estimated benefit within approximately two weeks following your effective date of retirement, or approximately two weeks of the date your application is received in our office, whichever is later.'

 

I love it when you double-talk me.

 



Fridays

It's ok, there are a couple of months with half this much snow on the ground. That's the recycling truck over in the next alley. I wouldn't want that job for a million dollars a year. Climbing over all those snow piles and shit like that.

Fridays, and then some

The Catholics don't want me to eat meat of Fridays during Lent. Yeah, ok. I like my chances of getting into heaven having eaten sausage on Lenten Fridays as opposed to some of those priests. And all of the nuns I had in Catholic school.

Fridays

I rode a bike for the first time in almost a month and it seemed to be more like exercise than I remember. Of course I rode 11 miles instead of the 1.23 that I planned to ride. But now it's lunch time and the refridgerator is flush with leftovers.

Sacha Baron Cohen Spills Ashes on Ryan Seacrest - 2012 Oscars

Fridays

I think we can still use it for French toast.

Who's Beyonce'?

The former Dixon, Illinois, Comptroller, is going to jail for embezzling 53 million dollars from the town's kitty and will be doing a 20 year bit in prison. Hey bucky, it isn't like you haven't taken a few work pens home with you. The US Marshall's are going to auction off the goodies she bought with her extra income including some jewelry. OK, quite a bit of jewelry. They are also selling her vast stable of horses including some frozen semen in case some of you kinky motherfuckers are interested.

Just think how life would be if meteors blowing up in the atmosphere were more of a daily occurrence. One minute you're walking the dog and the next minute you're hiding under your neighbor's car. Oh fuck, I've got a good jersey on and here comes a fucking meteor. You may stop sweating the small stuff, huh sporty?

Only money is stopping me from doing it up right on May 1st which happens to be my official retirement day. Minnesota Public Retirement Fund will deposit the money in my account shortly thereafter because banks and other financial institutions make a killing off escrow accounts.

I would start the retirement party by having the guy who belts out the national anthem at Blackhawks games do the honors in my front yard.

I hope Snakecrotch finds Sasquatch. I really do.

I love all 12 of you who are reading this shit. Now go back to fucking work. Do something, even if it's wrong.

Jamal Crawford Offense Highlights 2012/2013

Another good one from my Russian brothers

Russian dash cam is great

I'm telling you, look at the GD pipes! And you know what else? I'd take water boarding over eating a fucking radish or a beet or whatever vegetable that is. Did Harry Caray give Ma those glasses?

12 page views on Friday so fuck me, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

We had snow yesterday. Not snow like Boston but then it's not going to be 45 degrees here two days later. The Einsteins at the City of Minneapolis called a Snow Emergency so that means all of my Somali brothers will be getting their cars towed. Our alley was also given a lick and a promise which is pretty good. I still shoveled a shitload of soupy salt laden shit from the 42nd Street end of the alley because there's no such thing as coordination of alley and street plowing.

That's all for you, bucky. Dig that hole, white boy.

Fridays

The shit's gonna hit the fan in Boston because of this big winter storm and I can't wait for some good sound bites from their blubbering mayor. He does Harry Caray proud. The liquor stores are going to get cleaned out today.

Who knew that peanut butter on a cheeseburger would be so awesome. In honor of Governor Christie I threw a fried egg on for good measure.

That's my step-father's father's fedora style hat. It's a Dobbs and it's 50 years old if it's a day. I took the picture with the camera that's on the computer my friend Melissa gave me. I think I killed my old computer. Sure, it's a deer in the headlights look but I was trying to figure out if the camera was working.

Any east coasters wanting to be famous forever should send snow storm pictures and all pictures of their dog to wroblewski58@yahoo.com.

As you can see, we don't get excited about too much when Mrs is at work.

Shit, shower and shave! Kinda rolls off your tongue. I even buzzed up my dome with the clippers.

I'd visit Doom at the bike shop in Saint Cloud if that train that runs most of the way up there was worth a shit.

So you're going to protect your home with a hand gun, shotgun, slingshot? Well, what if the intruder is armed? Feeling lucky, punk? Do you have kids? Keep your piece locked and cocked, just click the safety off and you're ready to miss everything you shoot at? This ain't the gun range, sweetheart. This is real time with a shitload of adrenaline. I'm not anti-gun but if we're going to arm one moron we better arm them all or it's not good sport.

More tomorrow, maybe...

That's Nathan our tree contractor with the 4100 pound piece of the tree his crew removed from the side of our house. It's ok, they used a crane and didn't drop anything.

I never would have guessed that Snakecrotch would throw in the old blogging towel. What's this world coming to?

Doom came in 4th in the Arrowhead 135 and only changed underwear twice.

A shower is a possibility today.

I've got all my paperwork in and my retirement money starts flowing in some time in May. Don't try to pin the government on the exact date. I'm celebrating on May 1st. Try and stop me.

I rode my bike with one of Uncle Lanny's pub crawls a couple of weeks ago. I drank Coke, sporty. I'm not looking to have Mrs foot up my ass. Anyway, there appears to be quite a few craft beers out there. Almost too many to choose from unless you're an alcoholic in which case you should be drinking the cheap shit.

Don't call it a comeback. Somebody's gotta pick up the slack. Somebody who doesn't give a fuck. Somebody like me.