Miss Debbie bought a small angel at Hallmark to place at Ma's grave. That's a cough drop on the far right. In the spirit of my mother and grandmother we picked up the plastic flowers on the road at the cemetery. Ma always had a piece of hard candy that she offered you the first time you coughed. What a gal!

Fridays

No, this isn't the last supper. It's from December 21st I believe. Jesus brought the pork chops according to George Carlin.

If you're reading this at work right now you need to induce vomiting (like Jason Bateman in Horrible Bosses) and get the hell out of there making sure to stop at the liquor store on the way home.

Mrs co-workers spent a decent amount of time dissing the relatives they had to see for Christmas and then told her it was too bad her family lived so far away.

I'm pretty sure we'll be at the Mall Of America tomorrow watching the desperate bastards trying to find presents for the old lady. It's a thing of beauty.

I just got back from the late morning dog walk and I must say it's a little chilly out there. However, this is a better time of the year to walk a dog who hates the sight of every other dog.

I wasn't the one doing Amy Koch just so you know.

Will all 4 people who didn't buy their Pugsley/Mukluk with a 40 percent bike shop discount please go ride their bike. You people who live in some God-forsaken outpost like Saint Cloud are also excused. C'mon, you know I love you kids in St Cloud and the Soo Foo (Sioux Falls, SD).

I have fended off every effort to get me to leave my house on Christmas Day. I shall walk a dog when necessary and dine elegantly on aerosol cheese and crackers. Four boxes for seven bucks at the grocery store. Natch.

Let's hear it for Ma on what would have been her 88th birthday.

Yeah Red, it's not Fletch.

So Blagojevich gets 14 years for corruption and Michael Jackson's doctor gets 4 years for basically killing him. That sounds right. Is that 3 or 4 Illinois governors who have gone to prison for their generous acts? How's that line from Apocalypse Now go? 'Accusing a guy of murder here is like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500'. Same thing goes for Illinois politics.

I really like this part of winter. I'm trying to keep riding my bike. I drop Mrs off with the car and then park the car back in the garage. I then ride my bike the 2.5 miles to Midtown for the amazing coffee clutch. After the gainfully employed kids leave for work I ride another hour and a half or so. That's plenty of time out in the cold.

I also spend about 45 minutes walking the Assassin when I get home. The girl has to read her pee mail out on the street.

It's sentencing day for our old buddy Blagojevich. From what the legal analyst on WGN said yesterday, I'm setting the over/under at 12 years. They should build a politician's wing at some federal prison. These guys shouldn't be in with the general population and become some bad man's boyfriend.

Fridays

Happy Friday, boys and girls.

Not all that grueling but very enjoyable. And I didn't bust my ass once on the slippery streets.

I'm going to attend Winter Bike Expo at Midtown on Saturday although I'm still forming an entourage for my entrance. You should go too if you live within a reasonable distance so you can ride a bike with big ass tires.

If we get the predicted half inch of snow tonight will you promise to shut the fuck up and go on with your life?

I'm going to be out there on the front lines on Black Friday. Them bitches ain't seen nothing like me. I can clear them out with one swing of my big ass. Just kidding. I'll be sleeping in with my woman and won't get up until the Assassin jumps on the bed and make a nuisance of herself.

If you're flying for the holiday I hope you enjoy your pat down. I could go for a good after lunch pat down right now.

I can still hear my mother in the kitchen of our old house on Lawndale cooking on Thanksgiving morning. Is your mom's turkey dry? Then shut the fuck up and put some gravy on it.

Counting down those minutes till quittin' time on Wednesday, aren't we sporty. Me too. I look forward to days off with Mrs. We're each others right hand man.

I started to build a snowman and then my hands got cold. I've got some thick rubber gloves that you boys would hate seeing your doctor wearing but it's going to be 50 on Thanksgiving so why bother.

Good thing Ma didn't design the Marlins new uniforms.

I'm about to see if the Statute Of Limitations has run out on that pea soup.

I could see taking a candle making class.

Historically, this is where my fantasy football team takes a big shitteroo. I go back to the days of manual scoring with the old newspaper on Monday night. These days you don't even have to know the people in your league. Ah, the days of the fantasy draft party...swords, titty grabs, Grandma's car on fire, Big Da Da passed out on the steps. It ain't a party until something gets broken.

I guess a writer writes even if it isn't always profound information. Of course, I would never identify myself as a writer to most people because the judgmental motherfuckers are just dying for the chance to rip you. Not that I really give a shit.

The house is quiet without the Snowy Bear. Sassy has embraced the Queen Bee status even if she doesn't have an understudy. She may have to calm down quite a bit before we even think about introducing another dog into her home.

We had one three inch snow and I already hate. I definitely live in the wrong place. I love snow when it's fall but then want it to melt within 48 hours. If we didn't have snow then the Pugsley idjits wouldn't have much of a reason to ride their giant tired bikes. I applaud their knees because my knees hurt at the mere thought of trying to turn those tractor tires. It's a status symbol to have one. I get it.

God bless all of the mothers who are under unbelievable stress when their children go off to war. Nobody loves you like your mother.

Fridays

Miss Debbie made her yearly birthday trip to the Como Zoo yesterday and a smaller version of the Snowy Bear posed for a picture. She then stormed Herberger's with her 10 dollar off coupon. Today she will hold court at the Unique Thrift Store in Northeast. We'll also hit the 1968 Exhibit at the Minnesota History Museum. We'll try to be home before the sun goes down at 2 pm.

I didn't do shit today and tomorrow looks just as good. When you get to my age you shouldn't search the internet for old co-workers because you may just come up with an obituary.

I did ride my little bicycle a grueling 16 miles including some through downtown Minneapolis for shits and giggles. Let's do a hard pastry ride from Midtown to The Donut Cooperative to Baker's Wife and back to Midtown? Ok, let's not.

Yes, for many of you, it is a douchephone. This is especially true for anyone under 18.

Mrs birthday is coming up and she has a detailed set of plans to celebrate it.

Facebook is like my college alumni newsletter. It's all the happy news that's fit to print.

I quit Twitter after Snowy Bear died. I still have the account but there's a definite lack of interest.

All that's left to do is the ladder act cleaning out the gutters and roof valleys. Can I get a witness?

Fridays - All doctor's wives have fake tits

Mrs sprained her ankle a couple of weeks ago and the pain and swelling are lingering so I've been driving her to work. I pick her up from work at 3:15 and we get home at 3:30-ish when we don't make any stops. By 3:35 Mrs will be in her jammies. We usually don't go anywhere in the evening because people over 50 shouldn't be allowed to drive after dark. Oh, if you're afraid to tell an older relative that they shouldn't still be driving, I'm available to give them the bad news. Better me tell them than Mrs. Don't get someone who worked 20 years at a long term care facility going about senior's driving.

Hey, we wrote something and it was remotely coherent so we must be turning a corner. Now get the fuck out of here before I call the cops.

Written words escape me these days. The loss of the Snowy Bear has been tougher than even I anticipated and I thought it would be rough.

Happy Halloween!!

Fridays

Yeah, we're related. We're also both related to the woman who took her own pot to the Chinese restaurant on Pulaski for egg foo yung and the guy who built a garage with overhead doors in the front and back.

Fridays

Let's hear it for Wu who was born 20 years ago today in some south Bronx shithole or maybe it was Delano.

Let's hear it for those of you tethered to your douchephones. No, it's not weird.

Let's hear it for the middle class who know how to paint the town beige in South Dakota.

Finally, a big that-a-boy goes out to the brave young men in Libya who know the correct way to kick the shit out of a senior citizen.

Red, here I am racing in my Couch jersey and here's the recap for my one big year of cross racing. I did cross because I'm not 'too competitive' at this age. I just ride my GD bike.

Fridays

Thanks for all the condolences concerning the Snowy Bear. She loved kids. She got petted by a little kid just 20 minutes before she died. Of course my asshole neighbor was the last non-family member to ever pet her. She'll probably haunt his dreams forever.

As a homeowner I think blowing leaves around is pretty much the most fun you can have.

When we talk about a beautiful fall day in the Midwest we're pretty much talking about today in Minneapolis...50's and sunny with the wind blowing the leaves around in addition to some jerk with his 35 dollar electric leaf blower from Home De-Pot.

We'll be married 31 years tomorrow. Good gravy Jim!

We're sad around here. There's no way around it. That's ok. Some things in this life are worth feeling this shitty about. It's not like I'm a stranger to death. Hell, my father died when I was 8 years old. But we're going to laugh too because that's who we are. I could watch this clip a thousand times in a row and still laugh at it. Happy Sunday.

Rest In Peace, Snowy Bear

The Snowy Bear died quite peacefully at home this morning. She lived a grand old 15 plus years. I already miss her.

I told Mrs last night that if the unemployment rate is 7% or less a year from now President Obama will be re-elected. What have you done for me lately?

This kid and I went to the same high school about 20 years apart. Rest in peace, young man.

I'm going to this with Mrs and I'm gonna be pimped up like a MF!

I had my first colonoscopy yesterday and will be signing photos of my bowel Saturday at the Barnes and Noble in Highland. Seriously, bug the shit out of Dad to go get this done. The procedure was nothing and the nurses were just wonderful about making me feel at ease. So what if you take enough laxatives the day before to free up a horse.

Four playoff baseball games on today. Count me in.

Fridays

This is my nephew's label for the beer he brews. I hope it tastes better than some of the Polish beers I've tasted.

Your sister would be jealous of my baby blue bike

It rides nice and is very quiet.

My new blue Crosscheck is all finished at Midtown. I just need to catch the 14 bus and pick it up. Most of the parts off my old bike were salvaged with the exception of a set of new tires. Pictures will be posted on EWTN this afternoon.

Mrs painted the bathroom last week. Brown is the "in" color and who am I to argue.

Hey, let's hear it for the City Of Richfield who released me without an ankle monitor to live the rest of my life as a free man.

Mrs enjoyed the shit out of her week off. And who wouldn't?

And to everyone who contacted me yesterday to tell me the Packers were beating the Bears: Eat A Bag Of Shit. You Suck.

Fridays - Joe Mauer vows to return in 2012 with different walk-up music

My mother made that stocking cap.
Keep the shitting to a minimum.
I love the Twins campy song...'Cheer for the Minnesota Twins today...'
I checked to see if Carl had his wallet on him.
Get that fucker in the hoodie out of there.

I finally bought a ladder after almost 21 years of homeownership. It's an 8' fiberglass Werner, Steve Przeslicke model. Oh, we be paintin' and cleaning gutters and all kind of shit.

Mrs on eating fish: 'As long as it's cooked half way decent and they don't serve it with the fucking head still attached, it's ok'.

We're attending the Twins vs. Seattle Mariners game today. Yay, Stub Hub even though the tickets were 6 bucks a piece and the fees to deliver them to my computer were $10.20.

I'm off to Herbergers. Mrs plans on nailing down a big one. We've been to Home Depot twice in 4 days. In my absence, Vito is in charge.

In honor of all the great men of this family I spent part of the morning scraping old paint off the windows outside. However, I shall not be painting them Przeslicke gray which my Uncle Steve bought by the tanker truck load.

Much to Sickboy's chagrin my fantasy team is being held afloat by members of the Detroit Lions. I could be 2 and 0 if Eli Manning plays like Eli Manning.

Now that we've worked a solid 47 minutes on the house, it's time to watch a little baseball and enjoy a cup of coffee with the Mrs who has the week off.

Fridays - Medical Watch

My sister-in-law Carol hounded me to call the doctor's office to see what my blood work came back with so I did. My cholesterol total is 205 and the bad part is 160 which pisses me off because I was hoping for something over a thousand. My blood sugar is a little high so no more sweets for me. Ha ha, fuck that. I gave up drinking and smoking and if I have to give up sweets completely I'll just have Scanny run me over with his truck.

Miss Debbie is off next week so I'll be in full time entertaining mode. Look for footage of the dog, me and my lesbian neighbors performing Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat which just happens to be one of Debbie's favorites. Remember ladies, if you're going to make the old man go to a musical with you, don't choose Rent or he'll never go with you to another one. I've seen Showboat, Oklahoma (my favorite), Carousel, Fiddler On The Roof and last and definitely, Rent.

Roberto Clemente Day

I'm lucky enough to have seen Roberto Clemente play in person.

I rode through the U after coffee because the chaos is unbelievable. Walkers, cyclists, skateboarders and others all moving in a helter skelter fashion. The U of M cops were giving out free donuts at the west end of the Washington Ave Bridge but I passed because I'd like to lose a pound and a half by Halloween.

Down to 38 degrees tonight, huh? It could be time to harvest the crops except for the experimental pepper which I'll be moving inside on cold nights.

I wore a hoody and schpants today so I wouldn't be chilly on my bike ride. Mrs had a pot luck so she was humpin' a lot of shit, troop. I drove her.

Aaron took this picture but I can't tell what's broken on my old Crosscheck. Bad eyes.

Mrs is always profound but not usually profane. She's right. It sucks when you get older and all the shit your parents tell you comes out to be true. This doesn't apply to y'all under 40 because you know everything, don't you, sporty?

The nice guys at Surly made me a deal on a replacement frame which also included having to listen to 72 hours of Sov playing the banjo. So, we'll be taking all the salvageable parts off my old bike and putting them on this dreamboat. I've ordered new fenders since my foot had ripped off the front fender (toe overlap) and the rear fender was being held together with a wire tie. Air horn is still good as are the new bars and grip. Chain tensioner probably shot after 16,000 miles. We shall see.

Fridays

I went to the doctor for the first time in quite a while so I wasn't overly surprised to weigh in at 266 lbs. Fat? You bet your ass, sporty. On the other hand, if you've recently had your pathlete ass punked on the Cedar Trail by a plump, old MF with a seriously f-ed up knee, maybe you're not all that and a bag of chips.

Tomorrow we go see the movie Contagion. Don't worry I'll wash my hands afterward.

Remember 9/11 by telling those closest to you how much you love them even if it seems awkward. The future's uncertain and the end is always near - The Doors.

Opening Night In The NFL

Killed my Crosscheck today. Broke the frame by the drive side drop out. I picked it up on March 4, 2005 and rode it 16,384 miles. The boys at Midtown are checking if Surly will do anything.

Fridays

That is one bad ass patch. Puppy looks like he needs a Snausage.

Once again breakfast at the Minneapolis Farmers Market was awesome. The Tollefson Family knows pork. Swine, my brother?

Mrs scored some free Twinkies tickets for Monday night against the White Sox. Pretty decent tickets, too. I'll be bringing my $3 garage sale first baseman's mitt so I can hold the runner on.

Wait just a f-ing minute! The new Chicago Velodrome will be on the near south side so 'at least there won't be any north side douchebags'. Yeah, like the douchebaggery doesn't run rampant in Blaine.

Have a great weekend and watch out for quick slap tags to the balls if you go to Monday night's Twins game.

Has 10 years of war following 9/11 eliminated terrorism? I don't think we would have been so gung-ho if we had known we'd still be in Afghanistan 10 years later. Yeah, I have the picture up because of the dog. But the guy in that casket is never going to pet his puppy again and that's a big fucking price to pay.

For our Johnny Boy, do da do da...

Experimental pepper plant that the Assassin once tried to attack.
Oh no, there's a tomato plant in there somewhere.
The soil for this one is 5% dirt, 5% paint chips and 90% sunflower seed shells because it's right under my winter bird feeder.

A true lay around weekend was enjoyed by all of us. It's cool because when most people are running from heated house to heated car to work of shopping I'll still be spending an hour outside with Sassy.

Soon you will be receiving a photo of my experimental green pepper plant. Try to contain your excitement.

Ebay can be pretty weird for a jersey collector when you factor in the China knockoffs and the reputable dealers who sell the stuff for more than the league sites charge. To make it truly interesting you have the students who pump up the price for some guy's used laundry (jerseys).

Mrs and I have started watching Mad TV through Netflix because I haven't been up at 10:30 pm since the Carter Administration.

I have earned $5.41 from the ads on my blog. Sassy needs a new pair of shoes.

Due to Hurricane Irene I will not be attending the fair today.

Fridays

It's dealing with assholes like me that keep HR people up at night. No, not you people in Minnesota. I'm talking about normal people. I wonder how much it would cost to get this memo done as a tattoo.

The breakfast of champions at the Farmers Market is always a wonderful thing. I love the smell of Italian sausage in the morning. It smells of...of...victory.

So the kid makes cupcakes once a week and I'm supposed to drop everything when I get 10 minutes notice. Here's a thought. Drive the kid to my house and I'll buy them for a buck a piece and give her a tasteless bike sticker.

See, I told you we've gone to the fair. Shit, now I want a corn dog.

SF Giants Driving Test Commercial 2011

Here's your GD dinner, convict.

My tomatoes need at least another month of summer and then I'd have something.

I tip the waitress 20 % or more considering rounding. Some of them don't deserve 20 %. It is hard to give a whole lot to a guy who filled a cup with coffee at Starbucks. Now if I have a foo foo coffee with that nice foam I always tip at least 50 cents.

Not going to the Fair. We're on an every five years plan. Let's make it 10.

It breaks my heart to see traffic back up on 94 because of the construction. I'm picking up on the sarcasm. That's good, because I'm laying it on awfully thick.

Mad TV - Blades

I have yet to reap the benefits of being an AARP's member.

If you've got a hankerin' for some bad ass samurai sword fighting you better rent 13 Assassins.

A guy who didn't go to high school with me said Good Morning today.

My favorite places to people watch are downtown and the airport. You get your office girls downtown and the airport is always good for husband and wife battles.

Does anybody know if I can make a few bucks from Google Ads on this piece of shit? Listen homeboy, I can always camp outside your f-ing doorstep with a cup and a sign that says: NEED MONEY FOR JERSEYS AND FOUR DOLLAR CUPCAKES.

Honestly, I think a $3.50 cupcake should be large enough to be delivered with heavy equipment.

Hey does that dog want a Snausage?

Mrs was quite surprised to find a Minneapolis policeman coming out into the alley as she was closing the garage door this morning at 0545. It's ok. He had his K-9 German Shepherd with who just happened to be snarling at Mrs. The cop went on with his business without telling Mrs whether there was a dangerous fugitive nearby or that all the pretty boys work at the Fire Department.

There were cops on several corners and for some reason the Cupcake roving truck was also positioned strategically on 42nd Street. Since all those glory hound news guys don't hit the streets until 9 I had no way of knowing what the story was. So, I hit the precinct office at Lake and Minnehaha and got the scoop from the cop at the front desk who was helpful but didn't have any free stickers.

The fugitive was being pursued after a car chase that ultimately led him to his Carl Lewis imitation. He probably ran when he found all of the pre-sets to be country music and conservative talk radio.

Wow! Life in the big city!

Happy Saturday Night

Fridays

Big chicken feed at the Cane's on Washington Avenue by the U. Noon start. Representatives from the five families will be attending.

The Kogswell is currently being test ridden for the possibility of a sale. The minimum test ride period will be one year. Maximum test ride period not to exceed 20 years.

Mrs was driven to work. I hate to take a chance on rain. I've ridden a bike in the rain before. I wouldn't call it a "character building" experience.

I have to find out who won So You Think You Can Dance. It was an early to bed night at the Wroblewski residence.

Not sent with douchephone.

Sometimes it's just nice to walk my bike on the sidewalk downtown and people watch and enjoy the flowers in the planters and such. I may have to work again. Shovel shit with a spoon or worse. But, the last two and a half years of my life can never be taken away from me.

That's my pillow on the left in case you were wondering.

The weekend was flush with activities but the headliner had to be the purchase of new wash cloths.

There were quite a few months during the Vietnam War that combat deaths exceeded the 500 mark. Why bring up Vietnam? Because we were there a long time and then one day we just left.

The guy from Minnesota who got caught selling game worn jersey that weren't game worn or even authentic for that matter will appear in front of a firing squad with yours truly as the point man.

Take a deep breath. Smoke some pot if you need to but try to refrain from dabbling with your 401k.

Fridays - All Hail The Johnny Boy!

Happy birthday from the whole damn bunch of us. Some day when my ship comes in, I'll have an office at the Polish Museum. Why, I'll move Paderewski's piano to the basement and set up shop there. 'Go ahead you horse's ass, compare your hand to Paderewki's'.

By golly I mowed the lawn. It only took about 40 pulls for my mower to start but then we went like hell.

I would have to say my first tomato from the garden was pretty so-so.

My after coffee ride took me into St Louis Park and Linden Hills which is a favorite hangout of the Rosenberg boys. I even had some old fool try to hold court at Lake Harriet. He couldn't hang. Don't judge a book by its cover.

I miss the days of the Tweet-Up Lunch. I think Smithers got a real job and spends most of the day on the phone with the head office in Helsinki. Maybe I can get Aaron to spearhead the luncheon.

I took out the garbage. I'm a man.

As a true mensch I also cleaned the chain on Mrs bike and aired up her tires.

I look at Congress as more of a reflection of the people they represent than a band of idjits.

I'm passing on the National Night Out festivities on our block. It's pea soup humid and there's mosquitoes the size of B-52's out there. I talk to everyone when I see them in their yard and everybody with a dog knows the Assassin.

42nd Street is getting what's called a mill and overlay which is a two year band aid.

It's nice to drive through Richfield and see diseased elm trees and know that I'm no longer the guy who has to mark them. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

There could be a few of you who need a little moral boost at this hour. By now you've figured out that it's Monday and symbolically the rain is washing away your teen spirit from the weekend. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, sporty, and remember that the moments you spend here represents time that they have lost control of your attention span.

Keep things in perspective and be happy in the fact that you're not in a place where assholes are dreaming up ways to kill you with an explosive and a bucket of nails.

I did remember and even toasted him at the coffee shop so when I arrived at home and found this in an email from the Johnny Boy I was pleasantly surprised. I was 8 at the time so I don't remember a lot about him. But I do remember the date.

Yeah, it's me. Maybe 9 or 10 years old? My head is the same size today but I weigh 200 pounds more.

Miss Debbie didn't sleep worth a shit last night so she elected to sleep an hour and a half past the 4:30 alarm and be driven to work. Who can blame her.

After a mere 200 pulls my lawnmower started and I mowed the lawn. The Assassin watched my every move so I felt completely safe.

Man, it's chili dog time and the buns are fresh. Eat something good for lunch and stop fucking around.

Fridays

Mrs and I rode the last 2 days because it wasn't Africa hot. Miss Debbie's tomato plants loved the heat and humidity. It looks like she's going to get at least two tomatoes off three plants which constitutes a bumper crop by any one's standards.

The jersey on the far left is the one I covet. I'd get one with Kendry Morales's number on it because who doesn't love a guy who breaks his leg celebrating a walk-off home run and then misses a whole year because of it.

How come there's 2 shitty little grocery stores at 42nd and 28th but no shitty little grocery store at 42nd and Cedar. At least currently.

Last week a guy rented a bike at Midtown and left his luggage while he rode his rental. I made a terrorist reference/crack and someone took umbrage to my comment. Called me 'over-the-top obnoxious'. My government has spent a trillion dollars on wars which have cost thousands of lives. They've also tried to beat it into my head that unattended luggage is bad ju-ju. I should have just called Homeland Security.

Just for Johnny Boy

Yeah, it's hot out and there's no breeze but who really gives a shit. I told Mrs last night that it would be too hot to ride a bike and I didn't want to meet Uncle Larry for breakfast drenched with sweat. So I drove Debbie to work and parked the car near the 46th Street Station and talked to Kruse on the train even though he was trying to avoid me. Conversation on public transportation is strictly forbidden in Minnesota which is why I always talk loud enough to piss all those people off.

Fridays

Let's take this slowly.

I stopped and waited for the rain to slow down at the 32nd and Minnehaha bus shelter even though later I would become completely drenched and even fuck around with my gutters during a complete deluge.

Anyway, while under the shelter a guy came and I smiled in the way that you might use to recognize another human being on this planet. He gave me a dirty look and proceeded to eat his banana. Hey, is that a banana in you hand...

Well, Fucky's bus came and he was looking down at his Ipod so the driver figured he'd keep going so I pointed out that - 'hey, there's your bus' - when the bus was within sight but not withing catching distance.

So the guy muttered something at me and ran back up 32nd Street to hopefully call a cab and spend 20 bucks on that.

So, Mrs called in yesterday because she didn't want to go. Good for her. I taught her well.

I watched Adrian Gonzalez take his first round swings in the home run contest and then changed the channel. I guess watching guys hit batting practice home runs just doesn't have the same appeal as it once did.

I like it when I'm the guy who starts the mowing cycle with my neighbors.

I see a lot of roadies on the Greenway on their little bicycles. I know all the fast guys in the state of Minnesota so if I don't recognize you then you're not as fast as you think. Fuck that guy and his "Garage Logic".

Fridays - Late Edition

This photo was filed by Station Chief Rogers Park PW at last night's White Sox game.

Happy 2nd birthday to my Sassy girl! She may look sad here but she's actually just relaxing in her Daddy's chair.

I'm trying to fight off the urge to take a nap, but really, why fight it?

I stopped and looked at the flowers on the Greenway near Bryant I guess this morning. You should do that some time. Especially you bug-up-your-ass-roadies. Fuck, you're missing half the fun of riding a bike. Yeah, walking is great but you can cover more ground on a bike.

You Twinkies fans shouldn't get down on your boy Capps. None of these so-called closers comes into the game and gets 3 outs quickly. They all fuck around and throw 25 pitches, walk two guys and get the job done by the skin of their teeth.

Toll Booth in Blazing Saddles

I guess if you subtract the time spent outdoors bike riding and dog walking from the total time spent outdoors I suppose I spend about a good hour a week outside during the summer. And that includes watering the flowers and mowing. Yep, f-ing legendary.

Yesterday, on the other hand, Mrs and I got the jungle of bushes and trees under control in a little over 2 hours. Mowing not included and some parts sold separately.

If you have Netflix I highly recommend watching The Pat Tillman Story.

Once the baseball starts I'm not worth a shit and pretty worthless before the baseball starts.

With the zoo closed if there's a shutdown I guess Lickity Split is the only other option.

Sure it's hot and I'm going to ride between the shady spots on the way to pick up Mrs.

How mechanically inclined am I? Well I did change the vacuum cleaner bag today.

I see them on the way to work busting their ass (cars and bikes) but I really don't have much compassion for them.

No I'm not happy that Blagojevich is going to prison. Shit, we've had bigger crooks with less interesting hair styles.

Son, if there was anything that might get me to ride a bus for 12 hours with recent parolees and foreign exchange students it might be this.

In honor of a poor bastard with house guests coming I followed the Greenway to the Kenilworth Trail to the Cedar Lake Trail exiting by the Federal Reserve and through downtown and home after coffee concluded this morning.

I think a lot of people get jammed up on the street when they're riding because they don't turn to look what going on behind them.

I mowed the grass and now I feel so much better. I even did a little weeding around the tomato plants. Who's the man?

In the true spirit of Minnesota this last weekend we rode our bikes to Des Moines just to pick up the paper. We also repainted all of the rooms in our house and remodeled the bathroom. We caught several garage bands at the Triple Rock and still had time to do a triathlon.

Actually, Saturday was great. In the evening Mrs informed me that she was going to put her jammies on. I said 'me too' and then realized I already had them on.

Fridays

Don't hold me to it but after watching the pilot of Falling Skies and the movie Skyline I may have had my fill of alien invasion movies. At least until Cowboys and Aliens comes out in July.

I had to unfollow a guy on Twitter who thought he knew more about basketball than me. That shit don't fly, homeboy.

Mrs escapes at 1:15 today. Do you see what they make you give? I don't think you do.

Kahn The Merciless drafted the guy everybody told him to draft and played it close to the vest. He should keep his resume' updated.

As it has stopped raining everyone is going to mow their and by everyone I mean every swingin' dick.

I just heard that Cleveland offered a set of steak knives for Ricky Rubio.

Dancing Merengue Dog

The dog should be on their money. She has better footwork than all of the big men the Wolves have ever drafted.

Stay seated although I deserve a warm round of applause for riding 17 miles this morning. While you have your hands together let's hear it for the Assassin who was left to roam the house to serve and protect while I was gone without chewing the piss out of my new recliner.

I dropped Mrs off with the car because all the weathermen predicted rain and at 5 am (you were still having nightmares about guys from Chicago saying hello) it damn sure looked like rain.

And let's hear it for the Donut guy who always has great computer advice. The Hitman helped a lot. Should I buy it?

So You Think You Can Dance is probably on tonight. Somebody take my shoelaces away.

I mowed my lawn so now it can rain.

If it is raining at 3 pm I will drive the car and pick up Mrs and her bike. The first drop that hits you is God's fault...

Belated Fathers Day to all the mailmen out there.

The ballpark photos are from Ermisch's legendary Memorial Day weekend when he and a buddy attended MLB games in Kansas City, St Louis, Chicago and Cincinnati. Bully!

The valet at the W Hotel told me that people who travel all the time are usually shitty tippers. You can enjoy the shit out of the cabin but I like when the doorman at a Chicago hotel waves a cab up so I don't have to walk 20 feet and then opens the door of the cab for me.

Fridays -

May as well start here. Brett missed a lot of games and still got 3000 hits.

Young teenage Canucks fan on Chicago Blackhawks Facebook page:

as a canucks fan. I really didn't care. I know you guys hate us. yes there is a stupid riot happening in vancouver. Though don't hate on all of vancouver. There are fans there who are classless and some who are not. That did nothing to deserve hate from other team. If you ever been to vancouver . It's a great city .. it really is. Though there are 2 cities who just don't live up to the nice parts about it like surrey or east hastings.

Blackhawks fan's reply: bullshit...you guys BOMBARDED our page so suck it kid....all the classless fans just ruined it for the classy ones. as far as im concerned all you guys are assholes. sorry i feel that way dude i really am...

Whole Foods Parking Lot [HD]

For my nephews. Love you.

Sure my knee hurts like a MF because I had to blow some little girl's (20 something) doors off. I smile and wave to every single person I pass on the bike trail. Fuck the smug bitch.

Fridays

Sober 6 years today. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

Red, I think I need a break from those tweakers in the morning. You know, somewhere where the attention span is longer than 6 seconds.

Gingrich's campaign is falling apart and Mr Personality (Pawlenty) is going to reap the benefits. Who said anything about a flyover state with a huge inferiority complex?

I may not subject Mrs to that bicycling crowd at Skibby's Going Away Party.

Of course it's a Democrat sending photos of his c*ck around. Republicans send photos of Uncle Ronny in the hopes that the girls will throw him a pity fck.

Thank you for serving your country in the military, Sgt. Campo. I'm sorry it cost you your life.

No roadies were harmed on Bike To Work Day

The Banjo boys saved me a donut which was extra delicious and very much needed after waffles at Midtown and a muffin from the Balance Fitness people who had a spot at Lyndale and the Greenway. Gene-O gave me a One On One coffee mug and Little Stevie from Freewheel West Bank let me fondle his cardigan sweater that would have made Ward Cleaver proud.

Would you wear that shoe?

Ma never shied away from a confrontation if she thought you were trying to cheat her.

In November of 2002 Ma pre-arranged her burial stuff which included a casket made of egg cartons, a cemetery plot and a grave marker. Her social worker from the County went with Ma on this. She was another one you better not mess with.

Ma died at 11;30 am on December 6, 2008. She was buried at Saint Mary's Cemetery a couple days later. No wake and I paid the 200 bucks for the graveside service. I wanted to be there. It was cold and I told the spiritual advisor from the hospice (Father Pat, wink, wink) to show up with a stocking cap on or one would be issued.

But...Ma's grave marker still hasn't had the year of death engraved on it and being the procrastinating bastard that I am it took me over two years to investigate.

I stopped by the funeral home in April of this year and the nice girl at the desk pulled their file and then wrote down my name and number and told me she would investigate.

Last week I stopped by the funeral home again to see if the gal was making any headway and she wasn't there but there were two guys who looked like morticians which they were. Same story, write my shit down and tell me they were on the case.

Last Saturday we received a letter from the cemetery saying they would assist us on the matter for the low low price of $150.

I dug through the funeral paperwork yet again to find that Ma had purchased the headstone through the cemetery.

Enter the dragon. At Mrs request I relinquish the matter to her. I'm just not as diplomatic with slapdicks as I used to be.

Mrs calls the cemetery and the woman eventually says in a quite snippy tone: 'Well if you have the paperwork'.

The engraving will be done or I'll just take care of the headstone myself with some glue and macaroni shells. You really need to spray paint the macaroni shells gold before you put "2008" on the headstone.

Mrs heard the thunder this morning and assumed it was raining so she elected to stay in bed till 5:03 am. Talk about sleeping in. So, I drove her to work which is just as good because it's f-ing hot out there and will be even worse by 3 pm.

I dumped off the car and took the train to my biweekly breakfast with the Plumber. We've done Keys a couple of times and I even got to take the train with my old buddy Sickboy. In case you're scoring at home I had an omelet and the Plumber had pancakes and sausage with an over easy egg which the cook apparently didn't commit yolk murder.

I'm critiquing Craigs List bikes for one of my friends and one thing is clear. These people think their shitty used bikes are worth real money.

Fridays

I was having trouble with Firefox and Internet Explorer was slower than shit so I tried Opera which was pretty good for 12 hours before it turned to total dogshit. There's something in there that Webroot and Malwarebytes and SuperAntiSpyware don't find and eliminate but it's beyond my minimal computer knowledge.

Don't worry Twinkies fans, there's still 35 more games with the Royals on the schedule. Here's the stats of a pitcher who was almost as good as Francisco Liriano.


I planted wildflower seeds in some of the bald spots in our lawn. Not sure if those are wildflowers coming up or just weeds.